


cupid’s got me in a chokehold (i tried to run but i was too slow)

by annanotesxo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Footballer Louis, Hate to Love, M/M, Model Harry, closeting, harry just wants to get closer to him, louis just wants to play football
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 01:03:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9574982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annanotesxo/pseuds/annanotesxo
Summary: Louis is a young footballer with a great career ahead of him, and an annoying agent who only cares about creating an image for him. Which, to Louis’ dismay, includes photoshoots and prancing around with a fake girlfriend at public events.Harry is an established model who won’t mind his own business and has a bit of a dream of becoming the next Victoria Beckham.Louis hates Harry with a passion.(Also. Bit of an age change. Louis is 19, Harry is 22)





	1. STUDIO

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing this in 2015 and it was gonna be about the 2016 euro cup but then i abandoned it. if people like it i will finish this bugger off! so comment if you want more! (i’ve got a few chapters done, so there might even be a SCHEDULE)
> 
> also this is a working title because I have no idea what to call this thing.

Everything was bright. Very, very bright. That was what struck Louis the most about the place. From the moment that he entered the building, he felt as if he was completely encompassed in light and he wasn’t even in front of the cameras yet. It was the design of the place, it’s simple yet elegant decor mixed with the high ceilings and enormous windows that filled the room with summer sunlight — it made the place look endless.

 

It was all a bit much.

 

Louis was waiting in a lounge area that was near enough to the entrance for him to still be able to partially see the front desk, but too far for him to be able to make any conversation with the friendly, wide-smiled receptionist that had greeted him and his agent when they first arrived. Agent. He still wasn’t used to using that word. He didn’t even know what he was waiting for exactly or what he should expect, but he had been sitting there, alone, and it’s been over an hour now since anyone had made any acknowledgement of his presence. 

 

The lounge was pretty fancy, he thought, but later found out that it was only the smaller one of the two that the studio had. He had never felt more out of place than when he was siting there, in his grey joggers and plain white t-shirt, hair hidden under a beanie, and unable to stop fidgeting in his seat on the large black leather sofa. He was told they would style him for the shoot anyway, so he could wear whatever was comfortable, but he was not comfortable at all with everything around him looking expensive and immaculate, while he looked like he had just been dragged out of bed five minutes ago. He hated this. He knew he would hate all of this and he did.

 

Wanting to distract himself from thinking about how much he did not fit into this setting, he scanned the room again, looking for something to do. There was a glass-door fridge filled with bottles of drinks, from water to juice to beer, and he was told he could take anything out from it whenever he liked. He politely declined it earlier, but he just had to get up and do _something,_ having sat still, staring at the walls for what felt like half a lifetime. Patience wasn’t exactly his strong suit. In fact, he was the complete opposite of patient, always needing to move around, unable to sit still, unable to shut up — that’s who he was.

 

He got up and stared at all the options in front of him. The beer was tempting, but it was 11am so he settled on an ice-cold coke instead. He picked up a bottle opener which lay on the small table next to the fridge, taking the cap off the thin glass bottle. He couldn’t remember the last time he even saw a glass coke bottle, but he always liked those bottles best, which made this little moment the highlight of his first professional photoshoot experience so far.

 

Louis stopped for a little while at that table, looking down on a selection of magazines there. They were the good stuff, not like the sort of out of date, crappy thing that you would find at a doctor’s waiting room. It was mostly fashion magazines, but there was also a few copies of Rolling Stones, Times and Empire. He took his phone out of his pocket and glanced at it quickly, but seeing that he had no new messages, which was to be expected considering the fact that all the people he knew were busy working in the mornings, he sighed and grabbed an issue of Empire with a Marvel Cinematic Universe special that caught his eye. That would have to do for entertainment, since he had no one to talk to.

 

He was about two sentences into an article about Marvel’s plans for the new spiderman character when he heard someone come in through the entrance down the hall, their deep, cheerful voice catching him mid-word and making him look up.

 

‘Mia! Hey, how are you? How’s your niece?’ The voice belonged to a tall, long haired man but Louis could not make out much more of the figure from where he was sitting. He fought the urge to be nosy and lean out of his seat to have a better look at what was going on.

 

‘I’m good, thanks,’ she replied. Louis could almost hear the smile in the woman’s voice, ‘she just won’t shut up about you, you know? I think she has a crush.’ 

 

The man laughed, ‘Well, I’m honoured.’

 

The receptionist quietened for a little while, before speaking again in a much less enthusiastic tone, ‘There _is_ a bit of an issue though. Today. We’re having a bit of a hold up.’

 

Louis frowned. _He_ wasn’t told about any hold up. He was just told to sit there waiting.

 

‘Oh,’ the man replied, the tone of his voice falling too, ‘How come?’

 

‘Well, we had a bit of a situation yesterday. Some equipment got broken.’ she confessed, ‘Paul went to pick up replacements from our other location but there’s been some accident or something, so traffic is a mess. He’s still on his way.’

 

‘Are you serious?’ He sighed bitterly, ‘And I thought I’d have an easy day. What happened yesterday?’

 

‘We were doing a shoot for Gucci with a certain famous singer, but it was all a bit hushed, so I can’t really say who it was. I’m guessing it’s because there might be some juicy story brewing alongside, some sort of publicity thing. You know how these things can be, especially when things get messy like yesterday. Anyway, lets juts say that they weren’t too happy with following instructions. Lashed out.’

 

‘Jesus Christ, why they can’t just stick with professionals… I keep saying this, you know. People spend years getting into the business, getting good at it, and they just keep dragging in famous faces who have no clue what they’re doing just for their name. Everyone thinks they can be a model just because there’s a camera pointed at them.’ He said bitterly.

 

Louis instantly began feeling an intense dislike for this stranger. What a stuck up tosser, thinking he’s some sort of hot-shot that’s better than everyone else. Of course, him being one of these ‘famous faces’ who are being dragged into the studio himself played a big part in his sudden distaste towards the man — this man who he hasn’t even properly seen yet, but already hated. 

 

What really angered him most though was how this stranger’s words touched an already sore subject, addressing exactly why Louis didn’t want to be there. He was not a model. He never wanted to be a model. He wasn’t even really famous like the people the other man was complaining about, he was more pre-famous, if that were a thing, and he really did not fancy posing in front of a camera, playing dress-up. And now, all of his hate towards his current situation, which had been building up since the moment that he was first pitched the idea of the photoshoot, had shifted and focussed on this unknown Mr. Model, as if he was the sole cause for his discontent.

 

‘Well, to be honest with you Harry, some of the professional models that we have coming through here can be an absolute nightmare too,’ she said with a sympathetic sigh, quickly adding, ‘they’re not all like _you._ ’ in a sickeningly sweet, flirty voice.

 

Oh great, Louis thought, rolling his eyes, he is stuck up _and_ he has “fans”.

 

‘You’re too kind to me, Mia. You know that?’ Harry replied. Even though he couldn’t see the man’s expression at all, Louis imagined him leaning in closer to the woman with a little grin, all seductive-like. He might’ve even winked or something equally cheesy, he thought, grimacing at the image that he had conjured up in his mind to support his growing distaste for the guy.

 

‘Well, you _are_ our big star.’ she replied, still using that overly sweet tone. Then she chuckled and, in a normal voice, said, ‘Now go away, I’ve got loads of work to do.’

 

‘How rude!’ Harry gasped. ‘I might just have to make a complaint, miss.’

 

‘Yeah, yeah,’ she said with a laugh, ‘see you later Harry.’

 

‘Okay, I can tell when I’m not wanted!’ He shouted over his shoulder, while walking away from her desk and into the lounge where Louis was waiting.

 

Louis looked down at his magazine quickly, making himself look busy, only to look up as soon as Harry walked in and stopped a few feet away, facing him. Louis very blatantly looked him up and down with slow, judgemental eyes.

 

Harry looked to be momentarily taken aback, his eyes widening and mouth opening slightly as if he was about to say something, probably surprised to find someone else there. He seemed to shake it pretty quickly though.

 

‘Well, you’re new.’ He said, his lip turning up on one side into a little, cheeky smile.

 

Louis studied him with an unforgiving frown on his own face. He was looking up at a tall, very attractive man in slightly odd clothes with this aura around him that was unlike anything that Louis had come across before. He had long brown hair that curled slightly, forming perfect waves, and was pushed back out of his face with big sunglasses. And what a face that was, beautifully shaped by a very defined, strong jawline, with mesmerising green eyes and lips so plump that they looked like they were permanently slightly pursed, as if they were just about to be kissed, longing for it, and making everyone who laid eyes on them longing to kiss back. He was absolutely gorgeous.

 

This, of course, only made Louis dislike him more, because he couldn’t stop himself from noticing just how goddamn hot the guy looked, which got in the way of his dislike towards him. He felt like he had no control, helpless against the intense pull that the guy’s mere presence emanated.

 

So, with a tight jaw and narrowing eyes, he decided to focus on how ridiculously the man was dressed. He studied the outfit completely from the brown boots, the absurdly tight black skinny jeans with ripped knees, to a short-sleeved shirt, buttoned up only half-way — and oh wow, there was so much he could say about that shirt. It was black, covered in a pattern of big, pink feathers that looked like the sort of shirt that someone could dig up from a deep, dark corner of a charity shop, but, clearly being a designer shirt, probably cost a few hundred pounds. Stupid. Pointless. Unnecessary.

 

And the way he had it opened up so low, revealing so much skin, clearly trying to desperately show off his body. His very well-formed, not too muscly or too skinny, tattoo-covered body. Damn. Louis sure wouldn’t mind getting a closer look, trace all these images permanently imposed into the model’s skin with his finger, finding out if there were any meanings behind them. Which annoyed him again, because he didn’t want to care about them at all. 

 

And then there was all the jewellery. All the shiny rings and the shiny expensive watch and the shiny cross hanging from his neck. It was all to draw attention to himself. Every part of his outfit screamed ‘look at me’ and was a desperate attempt to look unique and interesting, Louis decided.

 

Oh, and he was holding this plastic cup with a very green, very ridiculous-looking smoothie, so there was that as well. 

 

Having his statement answered with only a cold hostile stare, Harry decided to go with a different tactic and walked closer, extending his hand in front of Louis, ‘Harry Styles.’ He said with a wide, welcoming smile. Then, with a small laugh, added, ‘I pretty much live at this studio.’

 

‘Styles?’ Louis scoffed instead of shaking his hand, ‘Really? Did you choose it because you like to dress up in all these different styles?’

 

Harry pulled his hand back to his side, not seeming offended or concerned at all about it being rejected. In fact, his lip curled up on one side, clearly expecting the question, ‘Nope. Was born with it.’

 

‘Right,’ Louis replied flatly. He didn’t want to admit it, but he knew he was more _trying_ to look disinterested rather than actually _being_ disinterested.

 

‘I could’ve gone with my mum’s surname, Cox. Except my agent kept pronouncing it, ‘hairy cocks’ because he had a bit of an accent, which was a bit weird.’ Harry explained with a shrug and a small laugh, causing a little snort-like laugh to escape Louis’ mouth too, his lips curled up into a smile for a moment — before he remembered that he hated a guy and went back to frowning, that is.

 

‘So, how about you?’ Harry asked after a moment.

 

‘How about me what?’ Louis asked with a lost frown.

 

‘What’s your name?’ he chuckled in response, as if it was a silly question.

 

‘Louis.’

 

‘Louis.’ Harry repeated to himself. Then, with that same wide, welcoming smile as before, extended his hand towards him again, ‘Okay, Louis, pleasure to meet you.’

 

‘Nice to meet you.’ Louis replied flatly, because it would be rude not to and, although somewhat unenthusiastically, sat up and leaned toward Harry, so that their hands could meet. It felt sort of formal, which in turn made it feel a bit odd. Silly.

 

Harry chuckled, probably catching onto that slight silliness too, before turning around and walking to the sofa adjacent to Louis’ one and plopping himself down on it. ‘Alright then.’ He drank a bit of green smoothie through a straw before asking, ‘So, have you been waiting here long?’

 

Louis pulled out his phone, checking the time. 

 

‘Close to an hour and a half now.’ He sighed bitterly.

 

‘Ah man, that sucks. Bit of a shitty situation, really.’ he said in a straightforward, genuine tone. Louis just responded with a slow nod, so he continued talking. ‘So, what brings you here on this bright sunny day?’

 

‘Oh, you know, just being dragged in here to get a camera pointed at my clueless face.’ He scoffed.

 

Harry stared at him for a while, confused by the answer. A crease formed between his eyebrows as they drew in closer together when he was thinking hard. Finally, he remembered,

 

‘Oh,’ his eyebrows raised slightly as he realised what happened, before he simply stated, ’I’ve offended you.’ 

 

Louis just scoffed, not gracing him with eye contact. It was a bit childish really, but he pretended not to care that he must have looked pretty petty.

 

Harry nodded slowly, ‘So that must mean that you’re here for a shoot, but you’re not a model, which actually makes sense because you don’t really seem like one.’

 

Louis looked up at him with a questioning frown.

 

Harry chuckled. Louis’ expression sort of looked like an enraged puppy’s.

 

‘I just mean that you look like you _really_ don’t want to be there, like you’re really hating it.’ He said with a shrug.

 

‘Right,’ Louis just replied. And it really was a hundred percent right.

 

‘And you’re a bit short.’ Harry added with a grin, amused by the little irritated expression that appeared on Louis’ face again.

 

‘Oh, whatever.’ Louis just said, shaking his head as if completely disinterested. 

 

‘I wasn’t saying it about you, or to you,’ Harry said simply, ‘it’s your fault really, for listening in on other people’s conversations.’

 

‘It’s not my fault that you’re a stuck up, obnoxious twat though.’ Louis replied flatly.

 

Harry looked momentarily taken aback, before the edges of his mouth turned up slightly, ‘Am I now? And you know that how?’

 

‘I just— just from the way you are.’ Louis shrugged, frowning.

 

‘Well, then, I guess you’re just a spiteful, judgemental little boy.’ Harry replied, but the slight smile never left his face.

 

‘Excuse me?’ Louis turned to the other man, surprised.

 

Harry shrugged. He spoke calmly, ‘Well, you’ve made a quick judgement about me and you’ve been very rude because you’ve convinced yourself that I’m some sort of big evil. You seem very angry. I don’t know why, but you’re deflecting it all on me and that’s just not okay.’

 

Louis thought about that for a moment. Was he being the twat? Yes, he was. He felt a bit guilty for a moment, but he shook the feeling away, replying with another ‘Whatever.’

 

Harry sighed, ‘Okay then, we don’t have to talk, that’s fine. Just thought it might be nice, since we’re both gonna be here for a while.’

 

‘Nah, I’m fine, thanks.’ Louis replied, picking up the magazine and trying really hard to concentrate on the words which, for some reason, were suddenly really hard to make sense of.

 

‘Okay.’ Harry said, leaning back into the sofa, taking out his phone and eventually managing to take a big sip of his smoothie. The last part took him a while because he kept missing the straw, not paying much attention to the action. Louis, however, once he glanced over and saw what he was doing, could not stop staring at Harry who was trying to catch the elusive piece of plastic with his tongue, stuck out slightly from his open mouth moving around against his lips and teeth. Someone trying to drink something through a straw, and being so exceptionally awkward about it, was not something that Louis expected to be hot, but somehow it was. Staring at those lips. Hot.

 

He felt like such a creep for watching this, so he looked away.

 

Except that every time he looked down at the magazine he was holding, it took him about ten seconds before he glanced back up again. He couldn’t help it and it infuriated him. Sometimes Harry would catch his eyes and each time that that happened Louis would look down as fast as humanly possible, because the last thing he wanted was to be caught staring. But he was getting caught over and over again and he was getting angrier and angrier at himself every time he looked up and saw the tiniest smirk on Harry’s face. That smug bastard. 

 

He was now chewing on the end of that stupid straw, having finished his smoothie a while ago, his eyes stuck on the small screen.

 

‘So,’ Harry suddenly said, ‘what’s your thing?’

 

Louis furrowed his eyebrows as their eyes met, confused by the question, ‘What thing?’

 

‘Like, what’s your _thing_ , what do you normally do?’ Harry responded with a casual shrug, the question seeming very natural to him.

 

‘Uh, football.’ Louis replied, sounding unsure, which he couldn’t help because he was caught off guard by the question after sitting in silence for a while.

 

Harry nodded in response, ‘So you play professionally?’

 

‘Yeah.’ was the best response Louis could manage, forgetting that they weren’t meant to be speaking.

 

‘You any good?’ Harry smiled.

 

‘Yeah.’ he replied, causing a short laugh to escape Harry’s lips.

 

‘That’s good then. What team?’

 

‘Well, it used to be Doncaster Rovers, but I just signed a contract with Manchester United.’He replied without much thought, but after a moment frowned, ‘Why are you asking?’

 

‘Oh, I was gonna google you,’ he replied with a little grin, ‘but since you’re actually answering my questions, maybe I won’t have to.’

 

‘Why?’ Louis asked, with some reserve.

 

‘Just curious.’ Harry shrugged. ‘So, what’s the plan? Gonna be the next David Beckham?’

 

Louis sighed, ‘Are you asking that because that’s the only footballer you know?’

 

‘Nope, but he was in Man-U too, like you will be. And I’m just a big fan of his work for Calvin Klein.’ Harry answered, then added, a big smirk appearing on face, ‘So I was wondering what sort of thing you’ll be doing here.’

 

Louis stared at him for a moment, ‘What are you on—‘ and then he got it, ‘Are you asking me if I’m doing an underwear ad?’

 

‘I guess I am.’ Harry grinned.

 

‘No,’ Louis replied. He didn’t know how he should react to that comment, especially with _this guy_ asking him with that weird suggestive smile on his face. He sort of just felt a bit flustered, ‘I uh, I’m doing just like, normal clothes for Adidas.’

 

Harry clicked his tongue, ‘Shame.’

 

Louis could feel himself going red. Dammit. The conversation sort of made him feel like he was already in his underwear, on display, open to scrutiny. He wasn’t into the idea of this modelling thing at all, let alone something where he would be near naked.

 

‘Have you ever done one?’ He asked without really meaning to.

 

‘Underwear? No. But I did do swimwear.’ Harry shrugged, he still had that little smirk on his face, ‘got some pretty cool yellow shorts out of it.’

 

‘Oh, okay.’ Louis just said.

 

‘I could find you a picture, if you want.’ Harry said, reaching for his phone.

 

‘Oh, no. No. I’m fine, thanks.’ Louis said quickly, making Harry chuckle.

 

‘Okay.’ Harry put his palms out, surrendering, ‘whatever you want.’ Louis just stared at him for a while, so he continued speaking, changing the subject a bit, ‘So, anyway. I’m guessing they expect you to get big since you’re here. They’re probably trying to build you an image, right? Put your face out there.’

 

Louis looked down then, staring at his own intertwined fingers, and biting down on his lip.

 

‘And you’re not too into the idea?’ Harry asked, picking up on the sudden tension in Louis’ expression. ‘Is that why you’re so annoyed with me? Because you just hate the industry or something?’

 

‘What, are you trying to psychoanalyse me or something? Figure out all my deep personal issues?’ Louis snapped, ‘This is none of your business.’

 

‘Sorry,’ Harry replied, genuinely sympathetic, seeing that he clearly struck a nerve. After a moment of silence, he added, ‘But it might not be too bad, you know? You might like it. Doing some photoshoots, some public appearances. I mean, if you’re good at football, and you’re hot as well, then you _could_ be the next David Beckham. Be absolutely loaded as well. If that’s the direction they’re taking you in.’ The words were meant to be reassuring, but they didn't have that effect in the slightest.

 

‘Right.’ Louis scoffed, speaking bitterly, ‘It’s not just that, though. It’s so much more. And you must know that. It isn’t about becoming a great footballer who happens to also be famous and rich, is it? It’s about becoming a brand.’

 

Harry nodded slowly, adding more thoughtfully, ‘Yeah, I do know.’

 

‘I just want to play football and now I’ve signed myself away.’ Louis said in a whisper so low that he probably didn’t mean Harry to hear. Didn’t even mean to say it at all. Didn’t even want to think it. ‘A fucking puppet.’

 

Harry looked at him with a concerned frown for a while, before getting up and moving over to Louis’ sofa, where he sat down, close, but not enough to be too invasive. He lightly put his hand on Louis’ shoulder before he started speaking, ‘I know there is a lot of messed up stuff there and you don’t always have as much of a say as you should, but it won’t _just_ be like that, trust me. There will always be perks about it. Just think about that. Because if they are building up a higher profile for you, if that’s their plan, then you _will_ get to play football and you _will_ get to travel to great places and meet people who you admire. It’s not all great, but it won’t all be bad. Trust me. Don’t psyche yourself out just yet, is all I’m saying.’

 

‘Right.’ Louis said absentmindedly, before turning his face to Harry. He frowned, as if only now realising that he was sitting next to him, and spoke with an expression that made him look like he had just eaten something very sour, ‘I really don’t want to talk about this with _you_. We’re not pals. So if you could just get your hand off me, that would be great.’

 

Harry didn’t move for a moment, except for his mouth opening slightly as if to speak, but not actually doing so. He then looked away from Louis and slowly pulled his hand back, moving in his seat so that there was more distance between them. He lifted his palms up again in that surrendering motion, before saying a quiet ‘okay’. But Louis didn’t seem completely satisfied, so, noticing this, Harry sighed and got back to the other sofa.

 

He intertwined his fingers together on his lap and stared at them for a bit, thinking, before he looked up again, his smile back. ‘You’re gonna do real well.’ He said, which resulted in Louis looking back at him with a questioning expression, ‘I mean, I could totally see you as the next Beckham. You’ve got a lot of fight in you, some fire. I can tell.’

 

‘What the hell is it with you and Beckham, I swear.’ Louis shook his head, ‘It’s like an obsession or something.’

 

‘I just really like Posh and Becks. As a power couple. They’re iconic. She made me realise my all time, dream future career as a wag.’ Harry laughed.

 

‘Aren’t wags supposed to be spray tanned, bleached haired, cheap bimbos?’ Louis asked, looking at him with confusion.

 

‘Uh, excuse you. Didn’t we just say that Victoria Beckham is a wag and she is anything _but_ cheap.’ Harry said, pretending to be really offended.

 

‘You want to be Victoria Beckham? That’s your goal? Posh Spice?’ Louis laughed, shaking his head.

 

‘Hey, think about it. Designer bags, hot husband, beautiful kids — what else could you want?’ Harry replied, in a very confident voice, resulting in a massive loud cackle laugh from Louis, which surprised them both and made them laugh more.

 

‘Seriously? Designer bags and cute kids?’ Louis raised his eyebrows.

 

Harry just shrugged, then went back to that cheeky smirk of his.

 

Louis, shook his head slowly, ‘Jeez, who am I even talking to.’

 

‘I’m just saying, footballers need their wags. Every David needs his Victoria.’ Harry said, making Louis look at him with eyebrows raised in slight confusion at what he thought was complete nonsense — the confusion which rapidly increased to full on shock when he continued with, ‘And you know, if you were looking for your own Victoria, I’d gladly volunteer.’

 

Then he winked at him. _Winked._

 

‘Uh, I—‘ Louis looked away from Harry quickly, his eyes wide. After a moment, he gathered himself and scoffed, ‘That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.’

 

‘Yeah,’ Harry laughed, ‘that is a bit ridiculous.’ He watched Louis for a bit, thinking, before adding, ‘But if you’d like to go out for a drink or something—‘

 

The unfinished offer hung in the air, giving Louis goosebumps. Just the thought of it. He stared Harry up and down again, as if he hadn’t already memorised his whole appearance, before he cleared his throat awkwardly and spoke.

 

‘I don’t know what you’re on about.’ He said, looking away again, his lips pursed in a tight, uncomfortable line. ‘I am straight.’

 

‘Oh hun,’ Harry said with a chuckle and a raised eyebrow, ‘you’re _really_ gonna have to practice that line a few more times because you sound about as convincing as you are straight.’

 

Louis gritted his teeth, shifting in his seat uncomfortably.

 

After some time, waiting in the tense silence that now enveloped them, Harry sighed, ‘It really sucks that they feel the need to do that. I feel for ya.’

 

‘Oh, just shut up, will you? You’re wrong. I don’t want your pity and I don’t need it because you’re— just confused or something. I am in fact straight, so drop it.’ Louis snapped.

 

‘Right.’ Harry sighed quietly, a bit sadly now too. There was a long silence before he spoke again. His voice wasn’t teasing, it was soft and kind, ‘so, they find you a girlfriend yet?’

 

‘Meeting her today, actually.’ Louis said through his teeth. Then his eyes widened suddenly as his whole body tensed up, realising that what he had just blurted out was the honest answer and exactly what he _wasn’t_ supposed to be saying. He really didn’t need this stranger who seemed pretty chatty knowing that today was the day that he was being set up with some girl he’s never met before so she could be his beard. But that’s exactly what his words sounded like, and that’s exactly what his words meant. Quickly, he attempted some damage control, ‘I mean, I’m seeing her after the shoot because she works for this modelling company. Here. So, I’m meeting her here after the shoot, that’s what I mean.’

 

‘Of course,’ Harry chuckled slightly at Louis’ rambling explanation, ‘you really need to work on that story of yours.’

 

‘It’s not a story.’ Louis said flatly.

 

‘Okay.’ Harry said quietly, with an understanding smile. He turned away for a while, nodding to himself with a thoughtful frown. Finally, he asked, ‘is it Eleanor?’

 

Louis looked up at Harry, his eyes widened slightly, as if silently inquiring how he knew that.

 

Harry nodded to himself again, understanding the nonverbal answer. He looked to the side again before saying, ‘She’s okay. Pretty new to it all too, so it makes sense. I’m guessing they want to put her face out there a bit more, because she hasn’t really taken off so far, not as fast as they hoped.’

 

Louis took in the information, but didn’t answer, not really knowing what the ‘right’ thing to say was and not wanting to talk about the subject at all anyway. Especially with _this_ guy. He looked as far away from Harry as was physically possible, trying to pretend he was somewhere else. Away from photoshoots and annoying models who ask too many questions and fake girlfriends and _roles_ he had to play.

 

Out of nowhere, a loud, short laugh broke the silence and snapped him out of his trance. He turned towards it with a surprised, confused expression, looking at Harry who was now laughing quietly into his hand, as if trying to hold it back a bit, cheeks pink.

 

‘What?’ Louis snapped.

 

‘Sorry, sorry. It’s not even funny.’ Harry said, as if embarrassed by the outburst, but had a bit of a smirk on his face nonetheless.

 

Louis was waiting for an explanation with an impatient frown.

 

‘It’s just a bit funny, or ironic maybe, because you actually _are_ gonna leave here today with a long-haired, brunette model after all.’

 

Louis just stared at him for a moment with disbelief all over his face before shaking his head and saying, ‘you’re fucking unbelievable.’

 

***

 

It took another hour before Ben Winston, the wonderful Ben Winston who cares so much about public image and so little about football, the man who Louis was oh so lucky to have as his agent, came into the lounge with that little fake smile that Louis hated plastered on his face.

 

‘Okay, so we’ve had to reschedule,’ He announced to Louis, ‘for week after next. I know you wanted this to be done by today, so did I, but it didn’t work out. So better not dwell on it. Move on. Be ready for next time.’

 

Louis felt as if he was going to explode. He knew that chances of this photoshoot actually happening that day were near nothing, but to think and to actually be told something were two different things. Especially because of _how_ he said it. It sounded so patronising, completely belittling any complaints that Louis may have had, making it sound as if it was silly to complain, like he should just get over it without a word. It infuriated Louis. Because he _did_ have the right to complain, had great reason to complain actually. He had sat there for over two hours, waiting, not being told about what was happening. And he didn’t even want to be there in the first place!

 

‘That’s fine.’ Louis said, putting on a fake smile, trying to hold back all the rage. There was no point. He was stuck with this incompetent man for the next two years, so he had to get used to it. ‘When can we leave?’

 

‘Well, the girl’s coming down in about an hour, so I think you should just wait here for her. You can go upstairs and get some food while you wait. I’m gonna pop out for a little while, but I’ll be back before she gets here.’ He informed him, before adding, in a very patronising voice, ‘Okay?’

 

‘Fine.’ Louis just said, with the tightest most uncomfortable smile possible.

 

‘Well, he sucks.’ Harry turned to Louis after Ben left.

 

‘Yep.’ Louis replied, popping the ‘p’.

 

They didn’t make any more conversation after that.

 

***

 

It’s not that Louis hated Eleanor or anything, but she really wasn’t at all interesting. She didn’t care about him just as much as he didn’t care about her. She was there for a job and so was he. They were introduced and given a rough ‘schedule’ of their ‘appearances’, a schedule that, apparently, the management could make changes to at any time if they so pleased too. It was all in their hands. Everything. Louis felt sick looking at the thing, but held himself together, trying to think very hard about how great it will be to get back on the field. To play. To train. To be himself.

 

The second time that he had arrived at the studio he didn’t have to wait at all, he was taken straight to the styling room and put on a chair in front of a big mirror, a stranger’s fingers fumbling around in his hair. The stylist was a blonde woman with small hands and eyes that somehow managed to look at every part of your face or hair, studying it to decide what had to be done, without actually ever making real eye contact. She was too busy, too concentrated on her task for that. She did talk though. Constantly. She talked a bit about the shoot, what would happen, who was photographing him, but mainly about her weekend away to Paris, Louis hardly understanding how that was in any way his business.

 

He wasn’t loving it, but it was all bearable. Until halfway through his make up was being done, at least. Because just as the woman was busying herself, evening out foundation, talking as much as ever, she was interrupted by a deep familiar voice.

 

‘Hey Lou!’ both the stylist and Louis turned sharply towards the sound, being met by the massive grinning face of none other than Harry Styles. Louis immediately frowned. 

 

‘Harry.’ She smiled warmly, ‘I thought you were coming down later?’

 

‘I decided to come in early. I’ve got to talk over this tv add with Julian anyway.’ He replied to her, before turning to Louis, ‘Hey, I see you’re here again.’

 

‘Yeah.’ Louis just said sourly. 

 

‘Having fun?’ He asked playfully.

 

‘Tonnes.’ Louis replied with a sarcastic smile that he hoped portrayed the words ‘please leave and never appear in my life again’. 

 

‘Great.’ Harry smiled, even though he definitely picked up on the sarcasm. ‘So, how’ve you been? Win any matches?’

 

‘No. The season hasn’t started yet.’ he replied coldly. 

 

‘Oh yeah? When does it start?’ Harry asked eagerly.

 

‘Next week.’ Louis said simply, before quickly adding, ‘Why are you here?’ Unlike Harry’s, his question wasn’t out of interest but out of annoyance.

 

‘Well, I told you last time, I pretty much live here.’ He grinned. ‘It’s hard not to run into me.’

 

‘Wonderful.’ Louis replied bitterly, ‘Well then, it’s good that I won’t be here much.’

 

This seemed to throw Harry a bit.

 

‘Are you only doing this one shoot?’ he asked, frowning slightly. 

 

‘Yup.’ Louis nodded.

 

‘So this is the last time you’ll be here?’ his voice sounded troubled somehow.

 

‘That’s right.’ Louis said, ‘Then I’m back to Manchester, concentrating on training. Very happy about that.’

 

‘So you’re not gonna be back again?’ he asked. ‘At all?’

 

‘No.’ Louis replied, ‘Why do you keep asking?’

 

‘It’s just that I know Eleanor is staying here, so—’ Harry started, ‘I just thought you might be around too.’

 

‘I’ve got some stuff planned with her but that’s none of your business.’ Louis looked at him angrily, he didn’t want to discuss that subject here with him. Actually, he wasn’t allowed to really.

 

‘You’ll only be here to visit her?’ Harry still asked anyway.

 

‘Yes. I will only be in London for games or to see her. Now can we stop talking?’ Louis snapped. A couple minutes with Harry and he was already furious. He didn’t need him there, bringing up this stupid arrangement that Louis was forced into. He hated it, he hated thinking about it and he hated Harry for bringing it up.

 

‘Right, okay.’ Harry responded sounding low, ‘I’ll see you both some other time then.’

 

‘Hope not.’ Louis muttered as Harry left the room.

 

***

 

The next couple of hours were full of people rushing around, changing clothes, lights flashing and being told to ‘just turn left slightly, a bit more, yes, great just stay there’ and ‘now smile, a bit more, no, a bit less,’ and ‘just face the wall for a moment, then turn slowly round, look from the floor, up towards us, okay?’ and many many more like that. 

 

It was tiring and people kept coming up to him and ‘fixing’ little things like making sure that a shirt creases in exactly the right way or that the logo is completely in view or that his hair is sticking up in the perfect way.

 

It would have been easy to be completely consumed by, but Louis was still observant enough to see a conversation going on in the far corner of the room, way too far to be able to make out any part of it, especially in the chaos going on around him. The only thing Louis could make out was that his sad excuse of an agent and Harry Styles were talking, looking very pleased, laughing. He had a bad feeling about their interaction and, whatever it was about, he didn’t want to be involved in it. But he had a feeling he will definitely be involved — and he’ll hate it.

 

‘Hey, kid, you okay?’ The photographer asked, snapping Louis out of his daze, ‘You look very angry. Try to relax a bit more, okay? Smile a bit? It won’t take much longer.’

 

Louis sighed loudly, ‘Yeah, sorry. How d’you want me?’

 

Everything dragged on for too long. ****


	2. PUBLIC APPEARANCES

Tonight was the third time he was publicly out with Eleanor. It was a night that wasn’t in the original itinerary, which was irritating enough on it’s own, but made so much worse by how worn out Louis felt. He had a pretty intense training session earlier that day, only to have to get up, ready and onto a train to London after just half an hour of rest.

 

It was a private party. Well, a private party of a couple hundred people and clearly it couldn’t have been _that_ exclusive if Ben Winston, probably one of the most incompetent agents, managed to get him and Eleanor on the guest list on a week’s notice. Being a so-called private event also made Louis question exactly why they were there, wasn’t the whole Eleanor thing supposed to be outside _in public?_ The only photos being taken, apart from pap shots of guests coming in and out of the party tonight, were ones from a Photo Booth set up for the guests — a quirky sort of thing — but he was told that the pap shots were more than enough.

 

Also, he was supposed to mingle. It never hurt to make acquaintances, he was told.

 

But he wasn’t doing that. He was tired and leaning against a wall, drink in hand, either staring at it or watching Eleanor walk up to people, introducing herself and talking to them as if she was someone they should have known, as if she actually belonged. Sometimes, she seemed pretty convincing and they actually engaged in proper conversation, despite probably never even seeing her before.

 

There were actual famous people who Louis recognised there, which made him all the less eager to go up to anyone. Because he wasn’t like Eleanor. Unlike her, he was completely sure that he didn’t at all belong with these people and that they didn’t know him. The thought of going up to someone, someone who you’ve seen on tv or whose music you listened to, someone you know a lot about but they have no clue you even existed, seemed like the most awful, humiliating experience that Louis could imagine. At least if he had achieved something to warrant talking to them, but what did he really have to say? _Hey, I just started playing for a good football team last week, talk to me._ He wasn’t anyone yet. He was just starting out. He shouldn’t be at a party with Rita Ora or Ellie Goulding or that girl from _Game of Thrones_ or that model with the eyebrows or the slightly less weird Will Smith kid — wasn’t she underage anyway? And then there were all the models.

 

He couldn’t remember whose party it even was, and he felt sort of bad for it, especially since it was probably a birthday thing or something. He really should have listened more and he definitely should be taking advantage of being there, he knew, but he just really wanted to go back home and watch telly. Call his family for a chat.

 

‘Hey,’ Louis looked up towards the voice, ‘I noticed you’re out, so I brought you another one.’

 

It was Harry Styles. Of course it was. He was standing there, all tall and handsome, dressed in all black, half his chest on show and, of course, those very, very tight skinny jeans. And those lips. Those lips that were such a perfect shade of pink that, surely, he had to have something on them, right? Lips don’t just look like that.

 

He was holding a drink in each hand, making Louis look down at his own and, sure enough, it was empty. He didn’t know for how long exactly, but it was.

 

‘Thanks?’ Louis said, unsure, ‘Why?’

 

‘I’m nice like that.’ Harry shrugged. 

 

‘You’re not poisoning me, are you?’ Louis replied, narrowing his eyes.

 

‘Nah,’ Harry laughed. ‘Not on today’s agenda.’

 

‘Hm,’ Louis replied, keeping up the wary gaze, ‘I’m not sure. You do look a bit _bad_ in all that black.’

 

‘What?’ Harry frowned, suddenly seeming to shrink significantly and looked down at his clothes, then glanced around the room with some worry. ‘Uh, how do you mean?’

 

‘I mean like a bit dark, mysterious, morally ambiguous. Like you could be a secret felon, but a high calibre one, you know?’ Louis explained quickly, bit awkwardly, ‘Not like bad as in not good. Like bad as in with like a dark side or something. You know, like, a bit _bad. Dirty._ ’

 

The last two words came out so, well, _dirty_ , that it made Harry raise his eyebrows in surprise and Louis’ whole face burn furiously. He sort of wanted to dig a massive hole and throw himself down it when a very pleased smirk slowly appeared on Harry’s face.

 

‘Hm, dark and dirty and mysterious.’ He chuckled, ‘I quite like that.’ Then, as if the conversation wasn’t already sexually loaded enough, Harry, in a very low, very suggestive voice, asked, ‘So you like a bit of a _bad_ boy, do you?’

 

‘What? No, obviously not,’ Louis scoffed, before adding, in a hushed voice, ‘I don’t like _boys_ , remember?’

 

‘Of course not, what was I thinking.’ Harry laughed. ‘I do apologise.’

 

‘I guess I can find it in myself to forgive you this one time.’ Louis sighed dramatically.

 

‘Here, you can have this drink as a token of my sincerest apologies.’ Harry said, handing Louis a glass. ‘I promise it’s not poisoned.’

 

‘Well then, I suppose there’s no reason for me not to accept such a kind gift.’ Louis smiled, taking the glass. He put his other, empty one on the floor, right by the wall. By the time he stood back up again, turning towards Harry, Eleanor had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, latching herself onto Louis’ arm with one of her hands. 

 

‘Hi, I’m Eleanor.’ She smiled widely, putting her other hand out for Harry to shake.

 

Harry glanced at it for a moment before saying, in a tone that was cold and, from what Louis had experienced of the guy, quite unlike him, ‘Oh, I know.’ He turned to Louis to say, ‘I’ll see you some other time,’ before walking away.

 

‘Um, sure?’ was all Louis managed.

 

‘Well, that was a bit weird.’ Eleanor said and Louis couldn’t help feeling extremely annoyed and sick of her suddenly. He just couldn’t help it. ‘So,’ she turned to him, ‘when do you want to leave?’

 

‘Now.’ Louis replied sourly.

 

‘Okay, guess that’s fine.’ She said, then, only just noticing the frustration on his face, asked, ‘Are you okay?’

 

‘No.’ He said sharply, ‘All of this is such bullshit. I just don’t have time for all this crap. I’ve got euro qualifiers and premier league championships to worry about. I need to be training not out drinking with people who don’t know me and I barely recognise.’

 

‘Right.’ She said, a bit stunned by the sudden hostility, ‘Not gonna lie, I don’t really know what to say to that? Sorry?’

 

‘It’s not your fault.’ He said through his teeth, more as a reminder to himself than attempt to reassure her. And it wasn’t her fault, really. She was such a big part of it all, but this was her job, it wasn’t her. He repeated that a few times to himself, reminding himself, because it was so easy to blame _her_ , to hate _her_. But it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t either of their fault.

 

And just like that the night was over — they left, the paps took their pictures, Louis went to the train station and, even though he had a hotel room booked to stay in London for the night, he took a late train home to Manchester.

 

He just wanted to be back home. 

 

 

****

 

‘I’ve got great news!’ Ben’s voice sounded very excited, which made Louis’ stomach twist uncomfortably. Whatever it was, it probably was far from what he would consider great news. ‘I have a contact who could get you and Eleanor to one of the London Fashion Week Shows. And,’ He said that part even more enthusiastically, ‘And, it’s on your day off, which is good because you said you didn’t like doing an event after a game or practice, right?’

 

Louis was stunned for a moment. No, that was not good. No, that was not great news. No, he didn’t want to spend his whole day travelling to London and back to stare at some stick people walking down a catwalk in ridiculous clothes. No, that was not _good._

 

‘Fashion week?’ He just said absently, buying himself some time to figure out if there was any possible way to get himself out of the thing. He knew there wasn’t really. It was too _good_ of an opportunity, probably.

 

‘Did you just say fashion week?’ his sister said quickly. Now _she_ , she sounded like she thought it was great news. Louis put his index finger in front of his lips as a ‘be quiet’ sign, but she still continued, just in a hushed voice, ‘You _have_ to go to fashion week if you can. You _have_ to.’

 

Lottie was staring at him from his laptop screen. They were skyping and he now wished he would have actually ended the call instead of telling her to just wait a minute. Quietly. Because now she was staring at him intensely, insistently. Unlike him, she was into all that stuff, make-up, fashion, celebrities, so Fashion Week was a big deal to her. But it wasn’t to him.

 

Then he had an idea.

 

‘Hey, Ben, do you think your contact could get us a seat for one of my sisters too?’ He asked, building a little scheme in his head. Maybe if he pushed it too far Ben would get discouraged and drop the whole thing. Or maybe, if Ben decided to actually try and request all of Louis’ suggestions, the contact that he had will feel like he was overstepping and take back their offer. 

 

Lottie looked like she was holding in a loud, excited shriek, so Louis continued, ‘Like, wouldn’t it be great then? If it looked like my family was supportive of the relationship? Wouldn’t _that_ be great?’

 

‘Um, I don’t think—‘ Ben started, but Louis quickly interrupted him again.

 

‘Oh my god, do you know what would be _even better_?’ Louis said, now grinning as he could already hear Ben squirm a little, ‘If Eleanor was actually in the show. Imagine that. Boyfriend going to see his girlfriend at her show, to support her, with his little sister. I mean, wouldn’t that just show how close we all are?’

 

‘Uhhhh.’ Ben dragged out. ‘Yeah. That would be really great actually but— I don’t—‘

 

‘You should really ask your contact. You _really_ should.’ He said, very confidently.

 

‘I—‘ he mumbled a bit again, ‘you know what, I will try that. Those are all great ideas. I’ll see what I can do and get back to you.’

 

‘Okay then, bye Ben.’ Louis said, hanging up.

 

‘Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.’ Lottie burst out as soon as Louis put his phone down. ‘Are you being _serious?’_

 

‘Wait, Lotts,’ seeing her excitement made him feel a bit guilty, because he had no wish to actually go to Fashion Week whatsoever and all of that was a show for Ben, not something to get her hopes up about. He sort of felt like he really fucked up so, quickly, he said, ‘please don’t get your hopes up too much. He probably won’t be able to get the places. He’s a bit of a loser actually, so we can’t expect much of him. So, please don’t be mad if it doesn’t work out, okay? Because it might not.’

 

‘Oh,’ She said, her face falling momentarily, before the bright smile returned, ‘still, just the idea of going is awesome. I will be so jealous if you get to go.’

 

‘Well, you would be, but it’s just sort of like work for me, you know?’ Louis said, still feeling bad.

 

‘Ugh,’ she groaned, ‘you’re so ungrateful. You get to do such cool stuff and you appreciate none of it.’

 

‘You know all I want—‘ 

 

‘Yes, yes. You just want to play football. All you want to do is play football. Football. Football. Football. I get it. We all get it.’ she sighed, rolling her eyes, ‘You so don’t _deserve_ to go to Fashion Week.’

 

‘Yeah, you’re probably right.’ He shrugged, ‘I don’t really deserve it.’ _Don’t deserve that torture._ ‘Listen Lotts, I’ll call you later, if I know any more about the show, okay? You probably have homework to do or something.’

 

‘Right, homework, sure. You’re just trying to get rid of me.’ she said with a playful, challenging frown.

 

‘Yeah, a bit.’ Louis laughed.

 

‘Whatever,’ she said, shaking her head, ‘I’ll go then. Talk later. Bye.’

 

‘Bye.’ Louis managed to quickly say before his sister ended the call.

 

 

***

 

Louis got three hours. Three hours of peace. Three hours of watching tv and drinking tea and scrolling through twitter on his phone. Three hours before his phone rang, the screen lighting up with the horrid photo of Ben Winston that Louis put as his contact icon.

 

‘Yeah?’ Louis answered it casually.

 

‘I’ve got great news!’ Winston said, sounding like he was actually bursting with glee.

 

Shit.

 

 

****

 

It was 2pm on a Monday when Louis found himself sitting on a long bench, sandwiched tightly between his sister and Alexa Chung. Front fucking row. Was Ben Winston’s contact the Queen or something? Was it God himself?

 

Lottie was actually making conversation with the woman next to her, a young Irish actress whose name Louis couldn’t even pronounce, when the announcer told them the show was about to start and everyone was slowly quieting down.

 

‘Hey,’ Lottie whispered, leaning in closer to her brother’s ear so that only he could hear, ‘smile when you see her. Like, try to look impressed, like she’s something special. Imagine she’s a new pair of cleats or something, I don’t know what gets you going, and just smile at her when she’s walking past. Okay?’

 

She had her serious voice on. Obviously she knew of the arrangement between Eleanor and her brother, and she also knew that the boy was absolutely clueless about just about everything. So there she was, giving him instructions on how to behave around his girlfriend — well, fake girlfriend, sure, but he still should know not to look at her like he just ate something rotten. 

 

‘Right, okay.’ He just sighed in response and he really was about to concentrate on the stick-thin figures walking out onto the stage one by one, when he noticed him. Harry Styles. 

 

He was sat in between the woman Louis recognised as the hair and make up stylist from the studio and Nick Grimshaw. They kept leaning into him, whispering comments in his ear and he kept leaning back, answering, and Louis was staring at his lips moving, forming words or stretching into a wide smile. And for some reason the whole set up irritated him, because any time one of the two got close to that beautiful face, making him talk to them or smile a them, something inside Louis stirred uncomfortably, making him frown. Especially Nick. 

 

Louis was glaring, he could feel himself glaring.

 

As if sensing that he was being watched, Harry turned his eyes to Louis. He raised his eyebrows questioningly, probably wondering about why he was being glared at. Louis somehow couldn’t break the eye contact until he felt an elbow nudging his side.

 

He turned to an annoyed looking Lottie, who was looking at him expectantly and gesturing towards the catwalk with her head. Sure enough, Eleanor was just making her way down towards them and Louis looked up quickly, bit taken aback at first, but quickly remembered his sister’s words.

 

Smile.

 

He tried to think up some pleasant image, something he wanted, but all that came to mind was a pair of full, plump, incredibly pink lips crashing into his. He couldn’t shake the image. He hated that he couldn’t rid his mind of it.

 

****

 

The show didn’t drag on for too long, thankfully, and soon all the people piled out of the room and either headed to a different show or presentation or headed to another room, a bigger room, where groups of people got drinks and chatted animatedly amongst themselves.

 

Louis told Lottie to wait for him as he headed to the toilets. All he had left to do that day was wait for Eleanor to show up, walk up and talk to a couple people, then he was free again.

 

But he needed a wee first.

 

When he was washing his hands, busy thinking about how great if will be to get out of there, he didn’t really take any notice of the fact that someone else had entered the restrooms. That is, until he spun round and bumped right into another guy’s chest.

 

‘Oops,’ he automatically said, with an awkward laugh, stepping back. ‘Sorry.’

 

‘Hi.’ the other voice was low and sweet.

 

‘Oh my god, it’s you.’ Louis said quickly, eyes widening in slight surprise. Except, maybe he should be getting used to Harry Styles appearing out of nowhere all the time.

 

Harry was grinning and, unable to contain his amusement, spoke in a low, playful tone, ’I’ve seen the funniest photo of you the other day.’

 

‘Please, just don’t.’ Louis said, squirming in embarrassment. He knew _exactly_ which picture Harry was talking about and he could go his whole life without having to revisit that memory.

 

Harry, of course, wouldn’t let him off so easily.

 

‘I mean, what was going on here, seriously?’ he laughed, pulling out his phone and showing Louis the screen. Yup. That was exactly the photo he expected. ‘Could you look any more uncomfortable?’

 

‘Seriously, drop it.’ he frowned, trying desperately to look the tiniest bit intimidating but failing miserably, looking more pleading than anything else.

 

‘Look at your posture. And what the hell is _she_ looking at?’ He laughed so hard his eyes started watering, as he zoomed in on the photo. 

 

‘It’s not funny.’ Louis said, his voice raising and, to his absolute horror, sounding like a little kid having a tantrum.

 

‘Oh, but it is. It so is.’ Harry said, wiping a small tear away with his pinky before turning and staring down at the very distressed guy in front of him. He smirked, ‘I just can’t— what the hell happened?’

 

Louis let out an angry sigh, before looking away and crossing his arms against his chest, ‘I wasn’t ready, okay?’ he said, resulting in another giggle from Harry, ‘So they send us to this game, and I’m thinking, great this is more of my sort of thing, can’t be too bad. And I’m just there getting into the game and suddenly they’re all “okay, kiss now, they’re taking photos” out of nowhere.’ 

 

‘Oh man, I really want to show some compassion, but I just can’t. Look at this. She’s just staring right at the camera.’ Harry chuckled again.

 

 

‘Oh just shut up.’ Louis said, taking a few steps closer to Harry and trying to grab his phone out of his hand.

 

‘Hey, what are you doing?’ he said, quickly moving it out of his reach just by raising his arm over his head. This, of course, annoyed Louis even more. Stupid tall model boy.

 

‘I’m gonna delete that picture.’ he replied, determined.

 

‘It’s on _the internet_ , Lou. I can just find it again.’ He said and Louis stopped what he was doing, taking a step back.

 

‘Just let it go,’ he groaned. ‘ _please.’_

 

Harry let out one last quiet chuckle before putting his phone away and saying a calm, warm, ‘okay.’

 

‘Thank you.’ Louis said with a wide, sarcastic smile. ‘And don’t call me Lou.’

 

‘Oh yeah?’ Harry smirked, ‘what would you prefer? Boobear?’

 

‘Only if you want me to think of my mother every time you talk to me.’ Louis scoffed.

 

‘Hm. Better not then.’ Harry laughed thinking it over. After a moment he pulled out his phone again. ‘It’s not all _that_ bad though. This one’s quite nice. You’re just chatting, smiling. It’s quite cute.’

 

‘Jesus Christ how many of these do you have? Can you please stop stalking me and my fake girlfriend?’ Louis snapped.

 

‘Okay, okay,’ Harry put his hands up in surrender, ‘but I can’t help it. I’m secretly addicted to celebrity gossip sites.’

 

‘Ugh, whatever. Just drop it and leave me alone, okay?’ Louis said, exasperated.

 

Harry bit down on his lower lip slightly, thinking for a moment, before saying, ‘Sorry, I didn’t want to actually upset you. I was just kidding, honestly. I was actually hoping we could be friends, you know.’

 

Louis just shook his head, ‘Right.’

 

‘I’m being serious. I know you’re in a pretty crappy situation right now— and I get it. There aren’t many people who do or who you’ll be able to talk to about all of this, so I reckon you should give me a chance. For your sake. Because it sucks to be alone.’ Harry’s voice was completely soft now, calm and sympathetic. ‘But, and I know I’ve said it before, it will get a bit easier. Even here, even though you couldn’t care less about this show, there are loads of people here that you can meet. People you’d really like to meet. I mean, your little sister is out there right now and I swear I saw her chatting with Brooklyn, so—’

 

‘Wait, chatting with who?’ Louis asked, his eyebrow furrowing.

 

‘Brooklyn Beckham?’ Harry chuckled, raising an eyebrow, ‘You do know who that is? Who knows, she might marry into royalty. So, maybe you should stop hiding away here and join the party.’

 

‘I am _not_ hiding away here!’ Louis snapped, ‘I literally just came in for a piss and you cornered me to mock me. This is all you.’

 

‘Oh, shit sorry.’ Harry laughed, ‘You might be right. But I didn’t mean to mock you. I was just messing with you a bit. Like friends do.’

 

‘You’re not my friend though, are you?’ Louis sighed, shaking his head.

 

‘I think I could be.’ Harry smiled warmly, ‘As I said, I’m probably one of the few people that you can talk to about everything right now.’

 

‘Whatever.’ Louis replied, even though he knew that Harry was right. He was the only person that he knew that could even come anywhere near to understanding what was happening, which was quite a sad realisation really. ‘I better check up on my sister.’

 

‘Yeah.’ Harry said softly, moving out of Louis’ way as he headed for the door, ‘I’ll probably see you around. You’ll be at Cara Delavigne’s party on Friday, right? You don’t have a match the next day.’

 

‘No, I’m not. I’ve got some other plans, actually, so I go out of that one. How d’you know that I was gonna go?’ He frowned.

 

‘I don’t know, just thought you might be. I was going, but I don’t know now. I might skip it.’ Harry shrugged, looking down.

 

‘Right.’ Louis said as he opened the door, deciding not to inquire further.

 

‘I’ll see you some other time then.’ Harry said, frowning thoughtfully, bit absent.

 

‘Yeah.’ Louis said almost inaudibly, walking out of there. 

 

Weird.

 

 

****

 

Louis didn’t have to look for Lottie for too long, mainly because, as soon as he walked back into large social room, she ran at him throwing her arms around his neck. She talked at about twice the speed that the average human could comprehend, but he got the gist of it, which was that Brooklyn Beckham just followed her on Instagram. There was also something in there about Louis being the best brother ever, but he was a hundred percent sure that she would wholeheartedly deny ever making that claim when they got back home. 

 

They hung around for a while, Louis drinking champagne while Lottie pointed out and named all the many faces that, according to her, he should’ve recognised but didn’t. Of course there were ones that even he knew. 

 

And then there was also that one face that he knew all too well and he kept appearing in his line of sight across the room. Or maybe Louis’ eyes were following him involuntarily, all too conscious of his presence.

 

‘Oh my god, do you know him?’ Lottie said in a loud whisper, pulling on Louis’ arm to get his attention. She had been having a big one-sided debate on whether or not she should brave going up to Demi Lovato, so Louis’ absence of mind must have been pretty obvious for her to break out of that monologue, ‘He keeps looking at you.’

 

‘Um.’ Louis was a bit at a loss of words.

 

‘He’s literally, like, the top male model. _Always_ in magazines, I swear. And he’s friends with so many people.’ she said excitedly, as if she was bragging about her own child.

 

‘Right.’ Louis just said, clearing his throat. He knew that Harry was some big deal in the modelling world, but it felt completely surreal that his own sister knew who he was. It was as if he was infiltrating his personal life suddenly, without even trying.

 

Harry looked up from his conversation with some people Louis didn’t recognise and, noticing that both of the Tomlinsons were looking right at him, he waved at them.

 

‘Oh my god.’ Lottie said quietly, before starting to wave back excitedly. 

 

Harry smiled widely and apparently saw that as an invitation to come over.

 

‘Hey guys,’ he said with a wide smile, ‘how did you like the show? Lottie, right?’

 

Lottie looked like she could just have exploded with joy when he said her name and nodded quickly. Meanwhile, Louis just wished he could literally explode and die right there.

 

‘Harry Styles,’ he said, putting his hand out for her to shake.

 

‘Lottie Tomlinson,’ she said eagerly shaking it, before looking at her brother with accusatory eyes, ’but you already knew that apparently.’ 

 

‘Yeah, we know each other.’ Harry said, turning to Louis who stared at him visibly annoyed. The last thing he wanted was for Harry to be getting friendly with his family.

 

‘Do you really?’ she asked, so much hope in her voice. Then, turning to her brother, ’Why did you not tell me?’

 

‘We don’t know each other that well.’ Louis mumbled, but was completely drowned out by Harry loudly proclaiming, ‘Yeah, we’re friends.’

 

‘Oh my god, that’s so cool!’ she grinned. Then, rolling her eyes at her brother, said, ‘All of Louis’ other friends are boring and smell like sweaty feet. I don’t like them at all, to be honest.’

 

Harry laughed at her bluntness. 

 

‘So, if you’re friends,’ Lottie started, a massive shot of panic spreading across Louis at her words, knowing he would not like where they were going, ‘do you want to go to the lakes with us? We’re having a big campfire because it’s supposed to be the last hot weekend of the year, you know. One final heatwave. We have this little spot that we always go to and a bunch of our friends are going.’

 

Louis snorted loudly, ‘What? Lotts, don’t be ridiculous. He’s not gonna—‘

 

‘That sounds really nice, actually.’ Harry said, with a mischievous grin, seeing the absolute shock on Louis’ face, ‘I never get to do stuff like that nowadays.’

 

‘Really?’ Lottie gasped, Harry nodding in response.

 

Louis face fell completely, ‘Um, may I have a little word with you, Harry?’ he said, freeing his arm from Lottie’s grasp. She gave him a confused, and a bit angry, look, so he quickly said, ‘Just give us a moment, okay?’

 

He grabbed Harry and pulled him aside by his elbow, out of Lottie’s hearing-range. Harry stared at him with wide eyes, surprised by the sudden action.

 

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ Louis almost hissed the words.

 

‘I— I don’t know.’ Harry shrugged, ‘I’m just—‘

 

‘Listen, you can mess with me, but leave my sister out of whatever little games you’re playing. She’s sixteen and, apparently, she really likes you, so don’t play with her like that.’ he replied harshly.

 

Harry frowned, a bit hurt, ‘I’m not playing anything?’

 

‘You are not seriously going to go to the Lake District just for a fucking campfire and to hang out with a bunch of teenagers. Don’t be ridiculous.’

 

‘Well, aren’t you going?’ he asked, ‘and your friends?’

 

‘You are not actually, seriously considering this?’ Louis shook his head in disbelief, ‘It’s some people from back home, but it’s mainly her friends. But that’s irrelevant, because you’re not going and you’re gonna tell her you can’t go right now. Not a ‘maybe’ or a ‘we’ll see’ but a definite no, because it’s not okay to mess with a kid’s head like that.’

 

‘So do I not get a say? Because I _did_ get invited. And not by you. What if I want to go?’ Harry challenged.

 

‘You don’t want to go.’ Louis grumbled. ‘You just want to annoy me, mess with me— and at my sister’s expense!’

 

‘I’m not trying to mess with anyone. To be honest, I’m quite offended that you keep thinking that I have some ulterior motive to always make you miserable. I don’t.’ Harry frowned.

 

‘You cannot be serious about this.’ Louis scoffed.

 

‘What? Do you think you’re the only one that ever wants to get away from _this_.’ he replied, gesturing towards the room-full of people. ‘and I really did want to spend time with you. And maybe if it’s away from this world, you’ll realise that I am not just some sort of fame driven puppet or just a face for show or the personification of everything that is wrong with celebrity culture and the media — whatever the hell you decided to see me as. Maybe I just want to get invited to a stupid campfire or whatever every now and then too.’

 

Louis stared at Harry speechlessly for a while. 

 

‘You want to go to the Lake District with us?’ Louis asked finally, eyebrows raised. ‘You do realise that is at least a five hour drive each way from here, so you’d have to camp with us?’

 

‘So?’ Harry shrugged. ‘Is that really that big of a deal?’

 

‘It’s completely ridiculous and weird, is what it is.’ Louis laughed.

 

‘So?’ he shrugged again, ‘What around here is normal anyway?’

 

Louis sighed, ‘Well, I guess it’s up to you and Lottie, since she invited you.’

 

‘Great.’ Harry beamed.

 

Lottie was ecstatic. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback welcome! :) my tumblr is annanotesxo if you wanna get in touch!
> 
> hope you enjoyed that! i'm planning on uploading the next chapter on friday, two weeks from now.
> 
> thanks for reading xoxo


	3. CAMPING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go! another update :) enjoy.
> 
> xoxo

As anyone could have predicted, Louis’ reaction was a stark opposite to his sister’s. Louis wasn’t at all optimistic about any part of the trip whatsoever, but everything was now in motion, so he had to just go along with it.

 

And so, on early Friday afternoon, he found himself opening the door of his flat to none other that Harry Styles himself. If any of his friends told him just a few days ago that he would be voluntarily inviting Harry Styles into his home, he’d have them checked out by a doctor for temporary insanity. Or just insanity. 

 

‘I have all my stuff in my car, so that we won’t have to move it around too much, just from car to car. I didn’t know what to take, so I pretty much have a camping shop in there.’ Harry blurted instead of a hello, looking a bit flushed, probably from having ran up the stairs instead of taking the lift. He was wearing his usual black skinny jeans but he ditched his boots for some big nike trainers and a dark green hoodie, hair tied up in a perfectly messy bun. Louis stared at Harry for a moment, as he so often found himself doing, taking in the most casual outfit that he had seen the man in. His eyes lingered on his defined jawline and exposed neck, which was usually mostly hidden by his long hair. The bare skin begged to be touched.

 

‘Okay, well, we’ll have a look in a moment.’ Louis nodded quickly looking away, stepping to the side and gesturing for Harry to come in.

 

‘Oh wow, I can’t believe you’re actually letting me into your place voluntarily,’ Harry smiled as he walked in.

 

‘I was just thinking the exact same thing a second ago.’ Louis laughed, closing the door.

 

‘You know what they say, great minds—’ Harry said a bit absently, looking around the place.

 

It wasn’t anything special, it was exactly the sort of thing a young guy just starting off in a new city would get. Except Louis wasn’t exactly _that_ guy, having just signed a £30k a week contract with a major premiere league football club. But that hasn’t quite hit him yet. He had been playing with footballers who he had been a fan of for years, gone to fashion shows and celebrity parties, taken pictures with people he never expected to see off-screen, yet it hasn’t quite hit him yet. 

 

‘Right,’ Louis responded, clasping his hands, ‘do you want tea or something, or should we just go?’

 

Harry nodded slowly, acknowledging the question, before turning to him, ‘I suspect you don’t want me here too long, so I’m fine with just heading out right now.’

 

‘Okay, I’ll grab my things,’ he replied, heading into his bedroom. ‘I don’t have much to take. The others went down yesterday and already set up a tent for me.’ He quickly grabbed his overnight bag, sleeping bag and pillow before coming back out.

 

‘Oh,’ Harry said, watching Louis as he grabbed a raincoat from a hanger in the hallway and pulled a bunch of keys out of his pocket, ‘do you want any help with those?’

 

‘Yeah, could you take these?’ he said, handing him the sleeping bag and pillow, so that he had a free hand to lock the door behind them.

 

‘Sure,’ Harry replied, grabbing the items. Then, sounding a bit concerned, asked, ‘isn’t your sister like sixteen? Isn’t she missing school?’

 

‘She called in sick,’ Louis replied, shaking his head, ‘which, as a responsible older brother, I obviously don’t condone.’

 

‘Of course not,’ Harry smiled.

 

‘But, you know, kids these days.’ he sighed dramatically.

 

They took Louis’ stuff to his car first. It was the same car he had been driving since he passed his test at seventeen. Harry’s car, however, was a white vintage one, filled with what really did look like half a camping shop.

 

‘Okay, we’re definitely not taking all of that.’ Louis chuckled, ‘you know you’re going for one night.’

 

‘Yeah,’ Harry said, looking at all the stuff, ‘I _know_ that. The thing is, even though I know that, I still sort of panicked and just grabbed _everything._ ’

 

Louis rolled his eyes, ‘Right. Let’s just grab the sleeping stuff and a change of clothes, you’ll be fine.’

 

‘Yeah, and my tent.’ Harry said, adding, ’unless you wanna share,’ with a wink.

 

‘Yes. Tent.’ Louis replied, ‘and please don’t wink at me, you’re making it weird.’

 

‘Okay,’ Harry said with little chuckle. He started taking things out of his car, ‘oh and this too.’

 

‘What’s in this one?’ Louis asked with a sceptical frown.

 

‘Food and alcohol.’ Harry informed.

 

‘Ah, yes, that’s fine.’ he laughed. Maybe it all wasn’t going to be so bad.

 

 

****

 

‘Can you please not eat that in here?’ Louis asked pulling his eyes away from the road momentarily to look over at Harry who was staring at him with a slightly confused look, an orange in his hand, ‘the juice will squirt everywhere and my car is gonna smell like fucking oranges for god knows how long.’

 

‘Oh, okay.’ Harry just said, putting the fruit back in his bag. His spirits seemed to have fallen drastically for a moment, before he pulled out a banana out of it. ‘this okay?’

 

Louis glanced at him again and sighed, ‘Yeah, sure. Just don’t, like, make eye contact while you’re eating that thing. Please.’

 

Harry had a _lot_ of fruit at his place apparently, and he decided to take every single piece of it along. So that they don’t go bad, he explained. It hasn’t even been fifteen minutes and he was already eating. He had a thing for fruit, it seemed.

 

‘So, where are we going exactly?’ Harry asked once he finished his banana. Having only exchanged a few pretty short phone calls during the past few days, most of which were about clothes, he probably realised he actually knew very little about the details of the trip.

 

‘It’s in the Lake District, which you already know. It’s sort of in the middle of nowhere, bit off-road. It’s actually an abandoned campsite that’s sort of become ours,’ Louis smiled, having had many pleasant memories with the place.

 

‘You’re taking me to an _abandoned campsite_? Why is it abandoned? Did someone die there or something?’ Harry suddenly sounded quite concerned.

 

‘No,’ Louis snorted, ‘obviously not. I mean, it’s just not used by the public or anything. Not officially open. It’s sort of become just a friends of friends sort of place, because the owners got a bit too old to run everything, but too nostalgic to sell.’

 

‘Okay, sounds pretty cool,’ Harry nodded, ‘although it does sound like somewhere you take someone to chop them up and hide the body too.’

 

‘Well, as much as I would like that to be on the agenda, there would be too many witnesses around. Unfortunately.’ Louis replied, not moving his eyes off the road, even though the traffic was pretty smooth.

 

‘ _Please_ , are you still gonna pretend you hate me?’ Harry rolled his eyes.

 

‘Of course I don’t hate you.’ he replied, ‘I’ve learned to tolerate you actually. Though you are pretty infuriating.’

 

‘Oh please, I am absolutely _charming,_ ’ Harry grinned, ‘people love me.’ 

 

‘People,’ Louis sighed, ‘are crazy.’

 

‘Nah, you know you like me. I am very likeable. Stop fighting it,’ he was now smirking amusedly.

 

‘Well, you sure are full of yourself, aren’t ya?’ Louis said, shaking his head, but he couldn’t deny the fact that he really was fighting a smile at that moment, ’you’re not likeable, you’re just ridiculous. You confuse people into liking you.’

 

‘Well, that’s _your_ opinion. I still think I’m just likeable.’ he shrugged, ‘now tell me more about where we’re going.’

 

‘Hm,’ Louis said, thinking for a bit, ‘Well, it’s almost right by the lake. It’s all surrounded by trees as well. There’s a bigger field nearby, where the main campsite used to be, but we usually manage to squeeze into that closer spot. There are the standard picnic tables and a place for the campfire with logs around it to sit on. A little pier where you could probably fish, but no one has for years. A couple of people went down there yesterday already with Lottie and they probably set up some hammocks or shit like that, because they’re quite into this sort of thing. I think someone is bringing along a camper-van, so we might watch a film or something as well.’

 

Harry was nodding along to the whole thing, as if consumed by Louis’ voice.

 

‘Sounds nice,’ he said with a very genuine smile.

 

‘Yeah, but prepare yourself for some really bad guitar playing and out-of-tune singing,’ Louis scoffed.

 

‘Should I prepare myself for many renditions of ‘Wonderwall’?’ Harry laughed.

 

‘Yeah, like within fifteen minutes of getting there probably.’

 

‘That’s alright. I don’t mind a little sing-along,’ he smiled, sounding genuinely excited, ’this is gonna be so much fun.’

 

‘Oh man, don’t get your hopes up too much. I assure you it’s probably just gonna be a night of drunken ramblings and shivering in the cold.’ he shook his head, ‘and all the teenagers. Dammit. It’s gonna be a right mess.’

 

‘Sounds perfect.’ Harry laughed.

 

‘You say that now,’ Louis replied. ‘now, can we stop talking? I just want to drive for a while.’

 

‘Sure thing, boss.’ Harry said in a very serious tone. ‘Can I pick some music?’

 

Louis sighed dramatically, ‘If you must.’

 

‘It’s an afternoon drive playlist.’ Harry informed him.

 

‘God, that sounds awful.’

 

‘Hey, let’s give it a chance. _“It’s just you, your thoughts and the perfect driving playlist out on the open road.”_ it says,’ he read from the Spotify app.

 

‘Really sounds awful. I reserve the right to veto any song.’

 

‘Alright. I guess that’s fair.’ Harry nodded. 

 

It only took a couple hipster songs before Harry put up the hood of his hoodie and curled up in his seat, leaning his head against the window.

 

‘Beauty sleep?’ Louis asked with a chuckle, glancing over at him.

 

‘Power nap.’ Harry replied without opening his eyes.

 

‘We have pillows, you know that? Right behind you,’ Louis said, amused, pointing to the backseat where half of their belongings lay.

 

Harry’s head snapped up as he turned around in his seat. He had to almost stand up in his seat in order to reach one, but he managed it and hugged it tight against his head, moving back to his previous position. He was gone within seconds.

 

Watching him for a moment, his features going soft and his lips parting slightly, Louis envied the level of serenity that was now on Harry’s face. He looked completely peaceful, whereas Louis was stuck with feeling completely stressed out by the fact that he couldn’t help himself staring and, which made it so much worse, staring fondly. Because there Harry was, stripped of any persona, just himself and not some character, and he was still absolutely stunning. Even more so. Painfully. 

 

And then there was the issue that now that he had seen Harry asleep, he couldn’t help imagining waking up to this sight. And that is not what he wanted to be thinking at all. Not about Harry’s lips or his body or his bed. None of the above. No.

 

He quickly turned away at that thought, blaming it on being tired for his gym session in the morning, and deciding to keep his eyes in the road _at all times_ from now on. 

 

***

 

‘Hey,’ Louis whispered lightly, nudging Harry, ‘hey, wake up.’ 

 

Harry snapped out of sleep, startled, a loud snort escaping his lips as he did so, which made Louis laugh quite badly.

 

‘Whaa?’ the sleepy man asked, his voice low and raspy. He started rubbing at his eyes hard, then stretching as far as the confined space of the car allowed, ‘What’s happening? Are we there?’

 

‘Yeah, almost there,’ Louis informed, while Harry was still trying to shake his sleepiness away. Louis turned to look at him, which was, of course, a mistake because puffy eyed, pink cheeked Harry with hair messed up on one side and creases of a pillow imprinted onto his cheek was just a whole other kind of adorable. 

 

Harry grinned, dimples and all, which wasn’t helping, ‘this is gonna be so much fun.’

 

‘Please,’ Louis scoffed in response, ‘we’re gonna kill each other.’

 

‘Nah, I think we’re gonna grow closer than ever through this shared adventure.’ Harry said enthusiastically, but Louis looked unconvinced.

 

‘Yeah, right. I bet you run crying as soon as you see a bug.’ he rolled his eyes.

 

‘Ha. Joke’s on you, because I actually did a whole photoshoot with tarantulas and snakes this one time, whole day with them, so I’m not afraid of any of that sort of thing,’ Harry replied proudly.

 

‘Alright then,’ Louis nodded, eyebrows raised, ‘I guess I misjudged you.’

 

‘As you constantly do,’ Harry pointed out.

 

‘Well, I still think you’re infuriating as hell, and so far that hasn’t changed,’ Louis smirked.

 

Harry narrowed his eyes at him, ‘Rude.’

 

Louis just shrugged, the smirk remaining on his face.

 

 

****

 

‘I really don’t know what I’m doing Louis.’ Harry said with a defeated frown on his face. He looked at him, pleadingly, hoping that the other would offer some help.

 

‘I’m sure you can manage it.’ Louis replied, not moving from his camping chair, beer already in hand. They had arrived about half an hour earlier, but decided that the sooner the putting the tent up part was done with, the better. 

 

There weren’t many introductions. Half the group was apparently away on a hike — or a ‘glorified walk’, as Louis called it. The other people there said quick hellos and, apart from squinting at Harry with some awe at first, saying how weird it was to see someone like him in person, someone who knows so many other someones, someone who has only existed in photos to them before, they didn’t make much of a deal about the fact that he was an outsider. They laughed about how his presence there was breaking some sort of barrier between real and not real, but they seemed to get over it pretty quickly. Instead, they turned to poke fun at Louis, saying that they keep forgetting that he is actually making something of himself and getting into _that_ world — the world of the picture-people, famous people, who exist somewhere but always feel like it is on a complete different plane than real-people. 

 

It got real deep for about ten minutes, basically. Then it passed and he was just another person.

 

‘I don’t know how to make this, it’s all very fiddly and the parts all look very similar,’ Harry complained, sighing.

 

Louis groaned, getting up out of his chair. He stood right next to Harry then, looking at the mess from his point of view.

 

‘Ugh, I hate setting up tents,’ he said in a hushed voice, ‘why do you think i made them do mine yesterday? I said it was because I was staying only for a day, so didn’t want to waste the little time I had here, but honestly, I just couldn’t be bothered. But you can figure it out, I promise it’s not that hard. It’s just a bit tedious.’

 

‘First of all, you’re a lazy, sneaky bastard, taking advantage of your friends like that, and you should feel ashamed of yourself,’ Harry said, crossing his arms and raising his eyebrows in an overdramatised show of disapproval which Louis just shook his head at, unimpressed. So he went back to that innocent and unsure expression, ‘but what if I break something and it doesn’t work?’

 

‘Jesus,’ Louis rolled his eyes, ‘you won’t. Stop whining.’

 

‘Yeah, but what if I do?’ 

 

‘Oh for for fucks sake, you’re acting like such a baby,’ Louis said, then, after a pause, shook his head in defeat, ‘I guess, worst case scenario, if you really do break something or whatever, you’ll stay in mine,’ hoping that would be the end of the conversation, he turned around to walk away, but Harry interrupted him, making him snap back around,

 

‘Shit, I think I just broke something!’ he said loudly, feigning panic, ‘definitely irreparable!’

 

Louis gave him a completely unamused look, which made Harry giggle.

 

‘Okay, okay, just kidding,’ he grinned cheekily, before adding, in a more earnest tone, ‘but since you just said you’re willing to share your tent, can we not just do that? Shorten my suffering?’

 

Louis seemed to weigh that proposition in his head, looking from the pile of parts laying pathetically on the ground to Harry, who was giving him a small unsure smile, eyebrows raised expectantly. 

 

‘Yeah, fine, you can stay in mine,’ Louis said, waving his hand dismissively. As soon as he said it though, he regretted it. Well, it was less regret that he felt, more nervousness. He wasn’t prepared for this. Not for the trip, not for spending two days with Harry, not for fucking _staying in the same tent as him._ What did he do, agreeing to all of this? But it was too late now, he had to roll with it. Had to act like it didn’t make his heart beat so fast, his whole body burn anxiously, or even worse, excitedly. Had to act calm and composed, like none of it was a big deal. And oh, how he wished it wasn’t. 

 

He tried to dismiss the feelings building up inside him and turned to Harry with a stern voice, pointing a finger at him warningly, ‘but if you start saying any of your weird shit to me, I swear, I _will_ punch you in that little pretty face of yours and then you won’t be able to do your stupid photoshoots and end up broke and homeless. So none of that weird shit, okay?’

 

‘Of course not,’ Harry said completely unconvincingly, mischievously, looking pleased with himself, which only made Louis that more nervous about the whole thing. He felt on edge. He constantly felt on edge around this guy because nothing in his life was ever as he expected anymore.

 

 

****

 

It was around five or six when the rest of the group arrived and, to Louis’ absolute horror, as soon as they did, Lottie came up to Harry and hugged him tightly as if he was an old family friend. Louis stared at them with his eyes wide. Apparently they have been talking quite a lot over twitter about all the things that always went completely over Louis’ head, chatted all about fashion shows, celebrities, make-up. 

 

Louis didn’t like that. Louis didn’t like that in the slightest.

 

‘I’m so glad that you’re actually here!’ she said with a smile.

 

‘Well, I did promise,’ Harry replied. 

 

‘We’re gonna get the campfire going soon,’ she informed him, ‘get some food ready as well.’

 

‘Great. I brought stuff too.’ he replied, sounding quite proud of himself, as if that was some sort of great achievement. ‘I’ll bring it right now.’

 

‘Awesome,’ she smiled widely.

 

‘Louis?’ Harry turned to him, breaking him away from his stunned staring.

 

‘Huh?’ Louis said, lost.

 

‘I need something out of your car,’ he replied simply.

 

‘Oh.’ Louis processed his words slowly, ‘oh, yeah, of course. Lets go.’

 

 

****

 

‘You brought wine?’ Louis raised an eyebrow in amusement, ‘fancy, fancy wine.’

 

‘Well, yeah. You bring wine to picnics. This is just like a big picnic,’ Harry shrugged, ‘what’s wrong with that?’

 

‘Nothing, nothing,’ Louis chuckled, ‘I just love the idea that we’re all gonna be drinking your very pretentious, very expensive wine out of plastic cups while chatting bullshit and wailing out lyrics to poorly played guitar music.’

 

‘Sounds good to me,’ he replied, small smile forming. His eyes were so deeply warm then, so optimistic and bright as they stared into Louis’, that they were completely disarming. So Louis just smiled in response, nodding.

 

‘Let’s take this to the others.’ he said, grabbing the bag and leading the way back to the group.

 

‘Oh, cool, I love wine!’ Lottie exclaimed as soon as she saw the several bottles of it.

 

‘What the hell, Lotts? You’re _sixteen_!’ Louis said quite distressed.

 

‘Shit, yeah. I mean, I’ve never had a single sip,’ she said. Very sarcastically.

 

‘Jesus,’ Louis shook his head, ‘I mean, I’d understand something stupid like apple sourz or wkd at you age, but what are you doing drinking wine? That’s _weird_.’

 

‘It’s my thing right now,’ she just shrugged, ‘Just don’t tell mum.’

 

‘I can’t believe you,’ he shook his head, turning to Harry who was just watching the whole exchange with slight awe, ‘what did I say, kids these days.’

 

‘I didn’t even drink until I was nineteen,’ Harry said casually, turning to Louis, ‘I sort of had no friends.’

 

Louis barked out a laugh, ‘ _Please,_ as if. I bet you were one of them rich kids who goes way too wild and trashes their mansion.’

 

‘Well, I didn’t have a mansion _exactly_ , though I suppose it was quite a big house, but I still had no friends, so no wild parties or anything. I was a bit of a loser to be honest,’ he said with a shrug. ‘Which is why I didn’t actually get properly drunk until I was nineteen.’

 

‘Jesus, you talk some shit sometimes,’ Louis rolled his eyes.

 

‘No, it’s true,’ Harry said sounding sincere, but Louis wasn’t convinced.

 

‘Right, I believe you,’ he replied sarcastically.

 

‘No, really—‘ Harry started, bit confused.

 

‘Okay, whatever you say,’ Louis said quickly with a chuckle, before changing the subject, ‘how about I show you the lake.’

 

 

****

 

‘I like this place. It’s nice.’ Harry said taking in a big breath of the fresh, crisp air. The weather was quite cool now, considering everyone’s constant talk of the coming heatwave. But the weekend was only just starting, so no one seemed at all discouraged yet.

 

‘Yeah, it’s pretty special to us all,’ Louis nodded.

 

‘Can I just sit here for a while?’ Harry asked softly, ‘It’s so calm.’

 

‘Yeah, sure.’ Louis replied enthusiastically, before awkwardly asking, ‘am, do you want me to stay or—?’

 

‘Don’t mind,’ Harry said, ‘unless you’re gonna be sitting here being all loud and mouthy.’

 

‘What? I’m not—‘ Louis started, sounding quite offended, before laughing, ‘Shit, I totally am, aren’t I?’

 

‘Yeah,’ Harry smiled, ‘Very loud. Very rude.’

 

‘Oi, I wouldn’t go on offending your host like that. _That’s_ rude.’ Louis replied, as if telling off a child.

 

‘It’s also very true.’ Harry laughed, ‘like right now, weren’t you supposed to be quiet?’

 

Louis raised his hands in surrender, ‘okay, sorry, I was. I will be.’

 

‘Great,’ Harry said as he walked up to the edge of the little pier, looking off into the distance. 

 

Louis watched him for a moment, but it didn’t take long before he started fidgeting. To just stand there, relaxing or whatever, seemed like an impossible task to him. He just couldn’t help that need to constantly be doing something. He never could sit still, which made his school years really hard, but was good when training and playing. 

 

He sat down on a low, wooden bench that was on the side of the deck, putting his hands in his hoodie pockets. Waiting. He really felt the need to break the silence. It wasn’t even an awkward silence, it was just a silence and silence was one of his biggest weaknesses.

 

‘So,’ his voice seemed too loud in the quiet air around them, ‘were you really like a rich kid with a mansion?’ he asked casually.

 

Harry sighed, sending him a frustrated look, ‘Weren’t you going to be—‘

 

‘Yeah, quiet, I know. I’m really trying, I just can’t do it,’ Louis said hopelessly.

 

Harry just sighed again, shaking his head. He walked to the bench and sat next to Louis. He mirrored him, putting his hands in his hoodie pockets, turning to him slightly so they can talk easily.

 

‘I mean, yeah, I suppose we were pretty rich. Does that matter to you?’ he asked, sounding a bit worried.

 

‘No, I guess not. I don’t think I can really have any anti-rich people agenda anymore. Would be a bit hypocritical,’ he laughed, ‘It just seems like you’ve been in that world forever, you know? You seem to fit in there so perfectly, like you were born into it or something, like you’re completely in your element. Like the exact opposite of how I feel there.’

 

Harry nodded slowly, pondering on Louis’ words.

 

‘I _was_ born into it, I suppose,’ Harry simply stated, ‘but I definitely didn’t always fit into it. Not at all.’

 

‘I find that really hard to believe,’ Louis said with a doubting expression.

 

‘I had a bit of a rough time as a teenager. Well, as rough as a rich kid living in a mansion could have.’

 

‘So it _was_ a mansion.’

 

Harry laughed with a shrug, ‘maybe. I don’t really think it was.’

 

‘Well, I’m curious now,’ Louis laughed. ‘I can tell you if it is when I see it.’

 

‘What do you mean, when you see it?’ Harry raised an eyebrow.

 

‘Uh,’ Louis staggered, realising that the way he just phrased that sort of sounded like he wanted to visit Harry’s childhood home. That was definitely not what he intended to convey. Quickly, he said, ‘like if you show me a photo. I’ll tell you. My other dream profession was an estate agent, you see, so I am perfectly qualified to make such judgements.’

 

‘Well, sadly, I don’t have any photos on me, sorry,’ Harry laughed lightly.

 

‘Do you go back home much?’ Louis asked. He didn’t know why he was asking all these personal questions exactly, but he was.

 

‘No, not really. No one really lives there right now. My mum’s been travelling a lot for a while now, working with some charities. My sister’s in LA right now,’ he shrugged.

 

‘Is she like a model or actress or something of that sort too?’

 

‘No, far from it,’ Harry chuckled. ‘She’s a divorce lawyer for high profile couples. Pretty in demand one as well. She’s very cynical about all of that celebrity lifestyle stuff, actually. She always makes fun of me, saying that she’s the better Styles because she is not only _more beautiful_ but also graduated from university and law school. Also, she mocks me because apparently I’m a hopeless romantic just because I think people can can fall in love and stay in love for their whole lives, while she makes her living because of marriages _not_ working and is very successful because of it too.’

 

‘Ooh. That is all very interesting information,’ Louis said with an amused, contemplative expression. He turned to Harry with a cheeky grin, ‘So you’re a hopeless romantic? I’m not that surprised actually. Are you all “I believe in true love and grand gestures”? All, soulmates, lit candles and writing songs about each other?’

 

‘All of the above, actually,’ Harry laughed, then, defensively, asked, ’why is that such a bad thing?’

 

‘Well, just sounds a bit idealistic. Bit naive. No offence,’ Louis said simply.

 

‘Don’t worry, I’m used to it,’ he shrugged, ‘but that’s just the way I feel. I don’t think I can change that and I don’t want to. I just believe in loving someone and being loved back and making sure that the other person knows how much they mean to you. Doing whatever it takes for each other.’

 

‘Aw. That’s really cute,’ Louis teased.

 

‘Whatever,’ Harry rolled his eyes, ‘I don’t think it’s cute, I think it’s important.’

 

‘I still think—‘ Louis stared but was interrupted by a loud ringtone playing from Harry’s jeans’ pocket. 

 

Harry pulled the phone out automatically, glancing at it quickly. Louis had seen him instantly rejecting calls several times that day, but this time he turned to him,

 

‘Gotta take this,’ he said, getting up. He walked a few steps away, leaving Louis on the bench, but was still within his hearing range, ‘Hey mum… yeah, everything’s going fine. Everyone’s nice…Yeah, I will… I can’t hear you very well… No, I’m not just saying that… Talk tomorrow?’

 

Harry sighed and walked back to sit next to Louis. He definitely looked a bit pink and embarrassed. Louis was smiling at him, which apparently Harry interpreted as a mocking expression, rather than what it actually was, which was completely endeared.

 

‘Go on then, make fun of me,’ he said sounding defeated, ‘I told my mum that I’m going on a camping trip and she’s checking up on me. Ha. ha.’

 

‘Nah,’ Louis grinned, ‘I think it’s sweet.’

 

‘Oh god. Sweet. That’s just great,’ Harry said sarcastically, ‘because that doesn’t sound like the most patronising thing ever.’

 

Louis laughed, ‘No, it’s nice. What _would_ be embarrassing was if your mother had to threaten to physically kick you out of the house because you didn’t want to leave.’

 

‘What?’ Harry chuckled, looking intrigued and amused.

 

‘Shit. I really wish I hadn’t brought that up,’ Louis groaned, ‘Just between us, yeah?’

 

Harry nodded.

 

‘Well, let’s just say that I could’ve actually started playing premier league two years ago, but— well, the official story that my coach was telling people was that I was waiting for the right club and the right offer, but really, — and yeah it’s pretty embarrassing — I just wasn’t ready to leave home. I didn’t want to. I just wanted to stay with my mum and sisters.’

 

‘Really?’ Harry laughed.

 

‘Yup,’ Louis said popping the ‘p’, before continuing, ’but then the club started saying that they weren’t going to wait any longer and it’s now or never, and she said that if i don’t leave out of my own will, then she will kick me out.’

 

‘Go Jay, putting her foot down,’ Harry chuckled, ‘and I really wouldn’t have pegged you for a mamma’s boy.’

 

‘Yet here we are,’ Louis sighed, ‘and, just so you know, I find it really weird that you’re referring to my mother by her first name. Why do you even know it, exactly?’

 

‘I just googled you,’ he shrugged, ‘had to know what I was getting myself into, didn’t I?’

 

‘You’re a bit of a creeper, aren’t you?’ Louis said, narrowing his eyes.

 

‘Hey, it’s not my fault that pretty much everything about a person is on the internet nowadays. I’m not, like, weird or anything.’

 

‘Well, the fact that you need to say that is sort of worrying.’ Louis laughed. 

 

‘There you two are!’ both of their heads turned towards the cheerful voice, seeing Lottie walking slowly towards them, ‘If you want warm food or any of that wonderful wine of yours, I would strongly advise joining us right now. While there still is any.’

 

‘Great!’ Harry jumped up from the bench with a grin, forgetting the conversation, ‘Lets go.’

 

Louis followed.

 

 

****

 

 

‘So, are you guys like a couple?’ One of the guys asked casually. His name was Stan and he lived just a couple doors down from Louis and his family, so they had known each other all their lives, which is why it wasn’t surprising that he, along with a couple others, laughed when Louis nearly choked on his wine at the question before answering it awkwardly.

 

‘No, we’re just friends. I have a girlfriend now,’ he said quickly, trying unsuccessfully to compose himself.

 

‘You what?’ Stan snickered, surprise and amusement painting his face.

 

‘As if that’s real,’ another guy chipped in. 

 

‘Yeah, you don’t have to lie to us Tommo,’ Stan said with a friendly shrug, ‘and we’re not idiots.’

 

‘It is real.’ Louis muttered, growing very irritated very quickly.

 

‘ _Please,’_ Stan rolled his eyes, mockingly. The other’s were making comments along the same lines, making fun of Louis for even trying to claim to have a girlfriend, as if that was even a possibility. 

 

‘Hey guys, just drop it. Her name is Eleanor, she’s nice. These guys are just friends. That’s it. Let’s move on.’ Lottie said authoritatively. Louis would’ve appreciated the support, had her words not sounded so extremely unconvincing. In fact, they sounded like they were saying the exact opposite of what they were supposed to, so they just reinforced everyone’s ideas.

 

Louis was fuming.

 

‘She works for the same modelling agency as me, that’s how we know each other,’ Harry offered the information with a shrug, as if that simple fact justified him being there and would make everyone accept what Louis and Lottie had told them. But none of them were particularly convinced and it didn’t seem like the subject would be dropped anytime soon.

 

‘Yeah, everyone! Harry here is a big star in the modelling world, you know. Very famous.’ Louis exclaimed, wrapping his arm around Harry’s shoulder, mocking grin on his face. ‘We should all be honoured by his presence.’

 

‘Um, well—‘ Harry mumbled shyly as all eyes were on the two of them, Louis making quite the scene out of it to deflect from the previous topic.

 

‘Come on, tell us about it all! What’s it like to get to hang out with movie stars and famous singers every day?’ he continued animatedly.

 

‘It’s not like that—‘ Harry said quietly, his voice completely eclipsed by Louis’ exclamations. 

 

‘The places that little pretty face can take you, eh?’ Louis said, pinching his cheek, not even acknowledging that the other was speaking. Harry frowned, squirming away from the action. ‘Do you ever get sick of people admiring your looks?’

 

‘That’s not what it’s like,’ Harry said more firmly this time as he tried to shake Louis’ arm off, ‘I actually have to work. I don’t just show up—‘

 

‘ _Come on_ , you’re living the life, it’s hardly _work,_ ’ Louis rolled his eyes.

 

‘It is, actually,’ Harry said sternly. ‘It took me quite some time to get to where I am.’

 

‘Oh yeah?’ Louis said, over exaggerated interest on his face, ‘ _Do_ tell us how you managed that. Share some wisdom with us.’

 

It was as if Louis expected everyone to laugh along with him, but the faces watching the conversation looked more confused than anything, with unsure, awkward smiles.

 

‘Why are you acting like this?’ Harry asked quietly with a definitely unamused frown.

 

‘I just want to make sure everyone understands and appreciates your world-famous modelling skills,’ he shrugged.

 

‘Well, I’d rather you just treated me normal,’ Harry replied hesitantly.

 

‘Oh, don’t be like that. Show us some of that talent,’ Louis said pleadingly, ‘I could take that camera of yours, you could show us some poses. Do a little photoshoot, so we can all see you in action.’

 

‘No, I don’t think—‘ Harry started, but he was interrupted again,

 

‘ _Come on_ , it will be fun,’ Louis said with bright, glistening eyes, reaching for Harry’s camera.

 

‘No, Louis, just knock it off. I really don’t feel like it,’ Harry said, sounding more resigned than angry.

 

‘Why not?’ Louis pouted, ‘Is the lighting not good or something? Or do you need some professional makeup artists with you? ‘Cause you don’t have to worry about all that, we’re not expecting perfection, we all know everything gets photoshopped anyway.’

 

‘It’s not like that— I just don’t—‘ Harry’s voice faltered a bit, ‘please don’t touch that.’

 

But Louis already had his camera in his hands and was aiming it right at Harry’s face, ’Come on, loosen up a bit, it’s just a bit of fun.’

 

‘No, Louis, just put it down, okay?’ Harry pleaded, exasperated, blocking the view of his face from the camera with his hand, ‘just put it down, it’s not funny.’

 

‘Okay, okay, jeez,’ he said rolling his eyes, ‘no need to get your panties all in a twist.’

 

He was looking at Harry with a cheeky smile, expecting a response, but the other stood up slowly and, in a low monotone, said, ‘Excuse me.’ and got up from his seat, walking away in the direction of the lake. Louis stared after him, confused.

 

‘Dude, you were being a bit of a dick,’ Stan said.

 

‘What?’ Louis scoffed, ‘It was just banter?’

 

‘No, it wasn’t mate,’ Stan said. A couple of the others were shaking their head, sorta awkwardly.

 

‘Maybe I should go talk to him,’ Louis said, scrambling himself up from his seat and vaguely pointing towards where Harry left.

 

‘Yeah, you total knob.’

 

So Louis went, getting more nervous with every step. Did the others have a point?

 

Louis found Harry by the small pier. He took a big breath before making the last few steps toward him. Harry didn’t say anything, but it was obvious he knew Louis was there. He was purposefully ignoring his presence. The uncharacteristic coldness made Louis nervous.

 

‘I’ve been informed that I’ve been a bit of a twat.’

 

‘Yes, you have.’

 

‘I feel like I should apologise.’

 

‘Yeah, you should.’

 

‘Well, I’m sorry? I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just joking around.’ 

 

‘That apology sounds a whole lot like an excuse.’

 

‘But— I just—‘

 

Harry sighed, clearly annoyed. He turned to Louis and his eyebrows where pulled tight into a sharp frown.

 

‘You know what? I really don’t get you. I mean, we can be having a normal conversation one moment and then the next you are being absolutely awful to me,’ **h** e said, shaking his head, ’I thought you were fun, interesting. Thought it was a bit of a tough act, or maybe you were having a bad time with being forced into the public eye, but, you know what? You’ve been absolutely rude to me, cruel even, and I’m starting to think that you are just mean. I thought you were a good person, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe you were right. This was a mistake.’

 

‘Wha— What? Are you seriously _this_ upset about the photos thing? Why are you getting so worked up about me taking photos? You literally do photoshoots everyday.’

 

‘Yeah, but that’s different. In front of those cameras, I’m like a character, it’s not actually me. And there is a whole team of people there whose main job it is to make me look good. Here,’ he gestured around them, ‘I’m just me. And maybe, I don’t feel that comfortable just being me, okay? It feels very invasive and I have no control over what people see. There’s no special lighting or make up or stylists, and that’s sort of scary. It’s like I’m suddenly completely bare. I don’t know. It’s different. And it’s not just that. You constantly mock what I do and are _so_ condescending. And not just today, every time we met I was nice to you, I tried to be friendly, have fun, but you were always so judgemental, mean even, and I just brushed it off as banter or whatever, but I think I might have been wrong. You’re just not a nice person. And I really don’t know why you hate me so much.’

 

Harry’s words felt like a punch in the face. They threw Louis completely off guard. Speechless. What could he say to that?

 

‘I, uh, don’t—‘ he stuttered. 

 

Harry just scoffed. 

 

‘You don’t even see it.’ 

 

‘I— I didn’t even think about it— have I really been this bad?’

 

‘Yeah, you have.’

 

‘I— wow. I’ve never been called a bad person. Got a bit of a sharp tongue sometimes, but— I’m sorry. You don’t deserve how I’ve been treating you, you’re right.’

 

‘No one deserves how you’ve been treating me. You’ve had this weird thing against me since the start and all I wanted was to get to know you, help you.’ 

 

‘I’m sorry— I mean, genuinely sorry. No excuses.’ Louis insisted. He bit his lip, thinking for a moment. Why was he acting like this? How did he not realise? ‘You’re right. I absolutely hated you and you didn’t deserve it, I pretended like you did, but you didn’t. I’ve not even stopped to think that the way I was acting was wrong. It was. You’re completely right. I took everything out on you. I think it’s because I so strongly associated you with all the media and celebrity world that they were forcing me into — with all the things I hated that they made me do. I mean, that day we met was when it all started, really. Sure, there was some setting up before that point, but when me met, that was when it was all set in motion. The photoshoot, the fake relationship with Eleanor. It was like I associated you with all that. Because you seemed so happy with your life. You seemed to like all the things that I hated, that they were forcing me into. And then you just wouldn’t leave! I kept seeing you again and again and it just reminded me how much lying I had to be doing. How much pretending. And I guess I need someone to concentrate all that anger on. It wasn’t fair on you.’ 

 

‘No it wasn’t.’

 

‘And then there were the things you were saying, the way you treated me. And the way you looked too, to be honest’

 

Harry looked at him, a bit lost, so he continued.

 

‘I think you were right, I was _trying_ to hate you, and it infuriated me that I didn’t seem to be able to. It felt like another thing that I didn’t have control over. And then I kept seeing you, it felt like you were everywhere and I couldn’t get away. And, you know, you’ve been a bit cruel too—‘

 

‘What do you mean?’ Harry frowned.

 

‘Right from the start, putting thoughts in my head that I just could not allow myself to have. Looking like you do, too.’ he let out a quick laugh and for a moment Harry smiled, before Louis’ expression turned even sadder, ‘You were talking so casually about things that I just _couldn’t_ have. Not if I wanted to play football. You were joking around about wags and going out for drinks, like that was even a possibility for me, while I wouldn’t even be allowed to joke about that sort of thing publicly, let alone _have_ something like that. I was being set up with a beard that exact day, for fucks sake! And you really don’t seem to realise that. I can’t be with a guy, fuck, I can’t even be seen with a guy, because you just can’t be gay _and_ a footballer — you come out, your career is over.’

 

Louis took a deep breath before continuing. It was all pouring out of him now.

 

‘The thing is, you have to realise that not everyone is in the same position as you. You have the whole “be yourself, be proud of who you are” thing, telling kids it’s okay to be who they are, and that’s great. I really admire that, don’t get me wrong, but that’s not everyone’s reality. It’s yours. Some people cannot just go out and be themselves and announce they’re gay. Some people do not have any of that support. Some people get rejected by their family and friends. Some people can lose their jobs or even be in actual, physical danger if they come out. _I_ would lose my job if I came out. If you’re a footballer and you’re gay, you either retire or they force you out, and I don’t want to be a fucking masseuse, you know?’

 

Harry didn’t know what masseuses had to do with anything, but he nodded anyway, listening intently.

 

‘So no, I won’t go out for a drink, because I can’t. I can’t go out and be with someone publicly. I have to go out and be with _her_. And yeah, sometimes I’m okay with having a bit of a joke about the situation, but sometimes, like today, I just can’t and I react badly. Stupidly. Because I hate it. And you constantly bring it up like it’s optional or something. It’s not. You keep saying that you’re able to understand what I’m going through, but no, you don’t. You live in a different reality to mine. If a friend of yours, a model or a singer or an actor, whatever, came out, they would have a hard time, but it probably wouldn’t be the end of their career. But it would be the end for me and I am just starting out, I am not ready to give it up.’

 

‘So, you talking to me, getting involved with my family and friends, that doesn’t help. That makes it harder. You casually joking around about being a fucking power couple, that people would not only accept, but celebrate— that hurts. Because that would never, ever be a possibility for me. Feeling attracted to you _hurts_. Because I know that I can’t get close to anyone and you just kept getting closer and closer and infiltrating my life more and more, forcing me to interact with you. And it makes me mad, and I react badly, because I don’t have control over anything!’

 

There was a long, heavy silence after that. Harry was frowning, staring down at his feet. He was thinking hard about it all. 

 

‘So, it would be easier if you never saw me again.’ Harry finally said. It was distant, matter-of-fact.

 

Even though he so many times wished for it, for Harry to just disappear, Louis felt sick as the words of his reply came out of his mouth, short, simple and ugly, ‘Yes. It would.’

 

‘I really thought I was helping, you know. I didn’t know I was making things harder, I’m sorry.’

 

‘Don’t be. I mean, you didn’t realise. I don’t think I even realised that’s what bothered me about you until now. Really thinking about it and putting it into words.’

 

‘Still. I’ll be out of your hair tomorrow. I’ll keep my distance and stop meddling, don’t worry. You can go back to your friends, I’ll just stay here for a while.’

 

‘I don’t really want to go.’ Louis thought out loud. Harry looked at him with questioning eyes, so he continued. ‘I’d feel weird just leaving you alone here. In the dark.’ _And I don’t want to._

 

‘Shit, it did get dark.’ 

 

‘And cold.’ Louis nodded along. He was suddenly aware of their surroundings, being completely oblivious to them during their conversation. It really got dark, only a tiny bit of colour still lingering in the sky and a distant orange glow from the campfire nearby. He could hear the music and shouting, muffled and distant. ‘The party seems to be in full force,’ he noted, ‘I don’t really feel in the mood for them all right now. You mind me staying here?’

 

Harry shook his head.

 

‘I’ll just go grab a blanket or something, or we’ll freeze,’ Louis said, gesturing back towards the camp.

 

Harry nodded, ‘yeah, that would be good.’

 

Using his phone as a makeshift flashlight, Louis walked back to the group.

 

‘ _Finally_ , where have you been? You guys kissed and made up yet? We wanna hear you try sing ‘Summer Nights’ by yourself again,’ Stan exclaimed, causing a few chuckles.

 

‘No, actually, Harry and I will just sit this one out. Stay at the lake for a while,’ Louis informed them, causing a few whistling noises and laughs, but they seemed to accept it fairly quickly.

 

‘Louis,’ Lottie ran up to him, before he walked off, quietly saying, ‘he’s lovely, you know.’

 

‘Yeah, he sort of is,’ he smiled sadly, ‘I wish things were different, but—’

 

‘Football comes first,’ Lottie finished off for him, then squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, ‘I’m sorry, big bro.’

 

‘Yeah,’ he shrugged, ‘it is what it is.’

 

‘It’s a shame.’

 

‘Yeah.’

 

‘Okay, I won’t keep you, then,’ she smiled again, giving him a little slap on the shoulder, ‘go have fun, yeah?’

 

Louis smiled as she skipped back to the group, joining into the chatter instantly.

 

When he came back to the little pier with a massive woolly blanket, lantern and a bottle of Harry’s wine, he saw Harry rub at his eyes quickly before sitting up straight, clearing his throat. Neither of them said anything about it.

 

‘Got some supplies,’ Louis said as he got close to the bench. Harry just nodded. They sat down on the little bench and wrapped the massive blanket around themselves. ‘I opened this,’ he said, regarding the wine, ‘but is it one of the ones that need to “breathe” or whatever?’

 

‘Yeah, but who really cares,’ Harry shrugged. There was a silence between them for a while, the previous conversation still hanging in the air. Louis studied Harry’s face, illuminated slightly by the soft blueish glow from the lantern, and he just looked very serious, solemn, chewing on his lip every now and then. Then he turned to Louis suddenly, with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

 

‘Does this blanket smell like weed to you?’

 

Louis brought the material closer to his face before he frowned, ‘Those little shits! Oh, I’m gonna have a nice lil’ chat with Lottie about this later,’ he snorted out a laugh, ‘Oh man. This is so bizarre, isn’t it?’

 

‘Oh believe me, I know,’ Harry laughed too, ‘like, how the hell i even ended up at a campfire surrounded by a hoard of teenagers and a cranky footballer is just — what the hell, right? I skipped a party at Cara’s new place for this. What was I even thinking?’

 

‘Mate, I don’t know. Your thinking processes are always a mystery to me, to be honest.’

 

‘God. This is _so_ not my place. I’m a world-renowned fashion model, a professional and an adult, I shouldn’t be surrounded by these kids. I should be on a yacht or some shit like that. This. Is. Ridiculous. I know you kept saying it and you were right. Like, how did I end up here exactly?

 

‘I’ve been asking myself that about my life on the daily, to be honest. But always more so with you around.’

 

‘Yeah, sorry about that.’ Harry reached for the bottle in Louis’ hand and, after the other passed it to him, took a slow sip of wine. It seemed as if he was giving himself a moment to think of how to say what he wanted to next. Then he turned to Louis, ‘I was just wondering, in a perfect world, where things weren’t so difficult and there was no need for pretending, closeting, do you think you _would_ consider being my Becks?’

 

Louis let out a stifled laugh. He wanted respond with a snarky comeback, but instead his mind seemed to have completely shut down, his lips falling slightly open as if words were about to come out, but didn’t. Maybe it was the way Harry had said that, the way it seemed to sway from the usual teasing tone he used when he brought up the power couple, and more into a cautious one, like he was testing the waters.

 

‘I like how you’re actually thinking about this., Harry laughed, breaking the spell, an expression between a smirk and a grin appearing on his face, ‘I like it a lot.’

 

‘Oh, shut up,’ was the best comeback Louis could manage, his face burning hot, ‘and give me some of that.’ he said, reaching for the bottle.

 

 

****

 

‘I always liked the name Darcy,’ Harry said instantly.

 

‘Daahrcy,’ Louis repeated, putting on an exaggerated posh accent. 

 

Their ‘what if?’ game that started with a simple ‘Humour me.’ from Harry had taken them on quite a long journey of subjects and now here they were, discussing baby names. Somehow, with drunken logic (Louis having gone back to get more “supplies” some time earlier) they had decided that, since this trip was going to be the last time that they would be interacting with each other, they might as well enjoy themselves and joke around with no filter, instead of sitting there miserably, thinking about the fucked up situation that they were in. And, just like that, they were having all these ridiculous, blunt conversations, because it wasn’t all over _just_ yet, there was another day, so why not have a bit of a laugh?

 

‘Hey, it’s a nice name.’ Harry said defensively.

 

‘Okay, okay. Didn’t mean to offend you _or_ our future child,’ Louis laughed, ‘I just think it’s cute how you’ve already got your baby names decided. Adorable.’

 

‘Ugh, cute,’ Harry groaned, ‘Can you stop with the _cute_. Can we not just go back to when I was dark and mysterious? Dangerous. ‘Cause I kinda liked that better.’ He said, but Louis just found his voice so endearing, making him seem even more adorable. It warmed Louis inside, making him stare fondly. The cold of the night didn’t exist when such a beautiful creature sat right next to you.

 

‘Yeah, I really don’t see that right now. I think that must have been just a one time thing. I mean, you have your fucking baby names figured out already,’ Louis laughed. Harry looked very displeased by the comment. ‘Do you know what I still can’t wrap my head around? About that night?’ Harry’s expression turned from frustrated to questioning, so he continued, ‘How on earth you could’ve, even for a second, thought I meant you looked bad. As if you could.’

 

‘What do you mean?’ Harry’s eyebrows furrowed.

 

‘Well, when I said that thing about you and you thought that I meant that you didn’t look good, you actually looked so worried, which is the dumbest thing I can think of, because you literally look ethereal _all the fucking time_. It’s pretty annoying, to be honest, how hot you are.’ Louis answered.

 

Harry’s jaw genuinely dropped at the words, not quite in the exaggerated cartoon way, but the surprise in his expression was definitely there. Then he started visibly blushing, biting down on his lips slightly to hold back a grin, because hearing these words from _Louis_ , was so unexpected. Because it was different from anyone else telling him he looks good somehow.

 

‘Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?’ Harry asked with light disbelief.

 

‘Well,’ Louis laughed, ‘If I was giving you all these compliments before, then I would have to deal with that smug smirk of yours ’til the end of time. But now that we’re not going to be seeing each other—‘ he was saying it jokingly, but the words really stung as he said them. Still, he continued casually, ‘well, I figured I might as well. I can deal with your boasting for a day, I guess.’

 

‘What? I don’t boast,’ Harry replied defensively, ‘I’m very humble.’

 

‘Right, your entire job is based on your appearance. Don’t pretend you’re not at all full of yourself and narcissistic.’

 

‘I think you’ve completely invented that in your head. I have no clue why. When was I ever boasting or acting full of myself? I mean, not as a joke, obviously,’ he questioned.

 

‘You just have that little look of yours whenever someone says something good about you. Like a smug little grin. Like you’re very proud of yourself.’ 

 

‘What? I can’t be happy about positive criticism? Can’t smile at a compliment?’ Harry challenged in amusement, ‘you’ve had this silly “arrogant model” image of me since we met which you’ve convinced yourself is true, but I promise you, you’ve made it all up in your head. You are _way_ more full of yourself than I am. You’re always bragging about how great you are at football.’

 

‘I don’t brag!’ Louis exclaimed, crossing his arms, ‘I just tell the truth.’

 

A massive laugh exploded from Harry, ‘Oh my god, that’s exactly it! That’s what you keep doing. You’re so sure of yourself, it’s hilarious.’

 

‘Well it’s not my fault that it’s true,’ Louis muttered, shrugging.

 

‘You’re so funny,’ Harry said, shaking his head in amazement, ‘ _you’re_ the one that’s all big headed.’

 

‘Yeah, whatever. Sure. Maybe.’ Louis said, ‘But what’s so wrong with being proud of your accomplishments?’

 

‘That’s exactly what I was saying and you told me I was arrogant!’ Harry cried out, laughing.

 

‘Okay, okay.’ Louis said, rolling his eyes. ’I get it now. You’re not full of yourself. I am. I’m silly and I made it all up. I get it.’

 

‘Well, good. Glad we have that sorted,’ Harry smiled, ‘and thank you.’

 

‘For?’

 

‘Saying I’m hot.’ Harry grinned.

 

‘You’re welcome. And stop grinning!’ he groaned, blushing, ‘we have more important things to discuss.’

 

‘Like?’ Harry furrowed his eyebrows, confused.

 

‘Siblings. Does Darcy have any?’ Louis asked straightforwardly.

 

‘Ah, yes. I’m thinking one or two siblings,’ Harry said.

 

‘Great.’ Louis smiled, ‘any names?’

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please leave comments and kudos and subscribe for next chapters :) it really does help with the motivation thing. Next chapter in two weeks! 
> 
> xoxo


	4. just can't let you go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> late because of a pretty girl entering my life.

Being in a tent with someone is always an uncomfortable, sweaty mess from Louis’ experiences. Two tipsy and, lets face it, hopelessly pining for each other, guys sharing a tent is even more of a weird ordeal. First, it’s middle of the night and it’s freezing so you are _forced_ to huddle for warmth. You have to, right? So, you’re just in your pants, because it’s warmer that way and you may or may not be cuddling, because the alcohol made it seem like that was a thing that was okay — even after all the things that they had talked about earlier. 

 

And then you wake up all sweaty — damp, almost — and you don’t know what to do with yourself. That was currently Louis’ reality and the man, now resting his beautiful, soft face on his chest, didn’t seem to have a care in the world about anything.

 

At least they’ve not done anything _more_ inappropriate for alleged strangers who aren’t supposed to like each other. 

 

He really needed a piss as well. But they were all tangled up and he didn’t quite want to break the bubble just yet. 

 

‘Wake up! Wake up! Hot food!’ Lottie’s voice started chanting, accompanied by the sloshing of wellies — it must have rained overnight — as she was walking towards their tent. Lottie shook their tent violently from the outside, laughing, ‘Get your lazy asses up! Food!’

 

‘Fuck off!’ Louis yelled back, while Harry jumped up, startled.

 

‘What’s happening?’ Harry quietly rasped out. His eyes were wide and confused, with pupils wide from sleep.

 

Louis could hear Lottie walk off, still laughing. Completely, annoyingly inconsiderate, he thought.

 

‘Just Lottie being an absolute twat,’ Louis said, displeased. Then he really looked at Harry. Harry, who looked like a little lost deer, with puffy cheeks and big, soft eyes. 

 

‘I’ve not, like, drooled on you, have I?’ he asked seeming petrified by the idea.

 

Louis couldn’t help the cackle that escaped his mouth. Who even was this man?

 

‘Nah, you're safe.’

 

‘Oh. Thank god.’

 

‘You’ve got eye bogeys though,’ Louis smirked.

 

‘What?’ Harry started rubbing at his eyes, ‘god, that must be the least attractive thing ever.’

 

‘Well, waking up next to someone is never attractive, really. You’re sweaty and smelly and your breath reeks. I don’t know why we subject ourselves to it.’

 

Except he did, because all of those things didn’t matter when Harry was next to him, so soft and familiar all of a sudden.

 

‘Well, anyway,’ Louis said, looking around for a t-shirt, ‘I’m going for a piss, so, like, feel free to get dressed and that. We need to hurry up, if we want that food.’

 

‘Yeah, sure. Good idea.’

 

**…**

 

‘Hey, do you want to go on that hike/glorified walk?’ Harry asked Louis, between bites of his eggs and toast. Fucker got the last of the warm food and Louis was left eating cold cheese and ham sandwiches. Of course, Harry, being the sweet little ray of sunshine that he was, offered his portion to Louis, but he declined. You snooze you lose. Early bird gets the worm. All that shite.

 

Pausing his slightly displeased chewing, Louis looked around them, at the muddy ground and the grey sky above.

 

‘Seriously?’ he grimaced.

 

‘Well, it would be shitty just to sit here and do nothing,’ Harry reasoned with a shrug.

 

So, they got ready. Of course they did, because Louis wanted to make that curly haired baboon happy, even if he denied it. Even if he wasn’t supposed to. 

 

They grabbed a backpack. Water. Harry’s chunky, fancy camera. And they were on their way. 

 

Louis’ shoes were not made for this muddy, grassy environment though. He didn’t take any hiking boots, because, quite honestly, he was planning on sitting on his arse for the whole day, doing nothing.

 

‘The air is so much fresher here, don’t you think?’ Harry said with some marvel in his voice. He was looking around all the trees and plants around them with entranced eyes. Louis could relate somewhat — he too, found a recent interest in the colour green.

 

Then it happened.

 

Just five minutes after they left camp, the skies opened up with cold, harsh rain.

 

‘Fuck!’ 

 

‘Shit, my camera!’ Harry yelped, trying to shield the thing, ‘God, I wish my jacket was more water resistant!’

 

‘We don’t need a jacket! We need the ark!’ Louis yelled, legging it.

 

‘Wait! We’re not all athletes over here!’ Harry ran after him, tripping up every now and again.

 

‘You run like a white girl in a horror movie!’ Louis laughed.

 

‘I can’t hear your insults over the sound this rain!’ 

 

Finally, they made it to the tent, out of breath, partly from the exercise and partly form laughing. They discarded their soaked shoes and jackets instantly, hiding themselves in the tent as quickly as possible. 

 

Just as they managed to catch their breath and get comfortable — well, as comfortable as you can be in such a small space — the tent was being thrown around by the wind, accompanied by large, furious drops of rain.

 

‘So much for that heatwave,’ Louis muttered.

 

‘So, what do we do?’

 

‘Wait until it stops.’

 

Harry looked concerned.

 

‘We have to leave around five, if I want to make it home before ten.’

 

Louis nodded.

 

‘We will, don’t worry.’

 

‘But what now?’

 

‘Listen, gonna be blunt, I’m not having heartfelt conversations again unless there’s alcohol, and we’re both driving.’

 

‘Oh,’ Harry said, ‘I have a book to read.’

 

‘You brought a book?’ Louis scoffed.

 

‘It’s always good to have a book with you,’ Harry said defensively, ‘and I could read it to you too, if you wanted.’

 

‘Read it to me?’

 

No one has read a book to him since he was seven.

 

‘Well, so you have something to do too,’ Harry shrugged.

 

‘Okay then.’

 

Harry read the book, until Louis dozed off. It was hopelessly domestic. Fuck.

 

 

***

 

 

Finally, 5pm came around and they were forced to run through the now drizzle from the tent to the car. Most of the group was under a gazebo or watching a movie in the camper van. They mostly stifled their suggestive jokes as the two were leaving. On the way to Manchester, the silence between them was only interrupted by another Spotify playlist that Louis hated every song from, but didn’t mention it. He was focusing on the road and Harry was staring out of the window. It wasn’t awkward, it was just sad. Melancholy with a side of a grey, rainy day. God, it was dire.

 

 

****

 

It had been four hours since Harry had left when Louis’ buzzer started ringing incessantly. He rubbed at his eyes, the opposite of eager to find out who was making all the racket. He was just dozing off, seconds from being completely down for the night.

 

Whoever it was—

 

‘What?’ he said, picking up the receiver.

 

‘I’m sorry Lou, I know I was supposed to just leave you alone, but—‘ the voice on the other side was deep, but sounded very, very small. 

 

‘Harry?’

 

‘Yeah.’

 

‘I’m letting you up,’ Louis sighed. He really didn’t need this. His plan was to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow, to the new day, as a new Harry-free man. He had prepared himself for that scenario, and now—

 

Why was Harry there exactly? 

 

His door’s buzzer startled him from his internal laments.

 

‘Hey,’ Harry said, his expression seemed a mixture of guilty and shy.

 

‘So?’

 

‘I’m sorry. I know I was supposed to just leave you alone—’ he repeated the exact same words nervously. They might have been rehearsed.

 

Louis held his breath. Why did this man have to do all these things to him? Entering his life. Making him _feel_ things.

 

‘—but my camera. I checked everywhere in my car. I must’ve left it in yours.’

 

Oh.

 

It was just about a camera. Nothing big. No dramatic declarations, thank God. Yet, for some reason, Louis felt almost— disappointed?

 

‘So, I decided that I really have to pick it up right now, otherwise I would have to see you again and we decided to stay away from each other— so that wouldn’t be a good idea. Like, if I get it out of the way now, we never have to see each other again.’

 

‘Yeah,’ Louis nodded when Harry was done. It made sense, of course, ‘lets go grab it now, yeah?’

 

Louis felt shaky as he looked for his keys and something to throw on, before going to the underground garage. 

 

‘Yeah,’ Harry replied, watching him.

 

The childish joy on Harry’s face when they found his camera in the car under one of Louis’ hoodies, was so unbearably adorable, that Louis had to look away and try so very, very hard not to grin too. 

 

‘Thank you, Louis.’ Harry smiled softly, ‘Really. For this. For the trip.’

 

‘It’s okay,’ he replied, biting down on his lip. It took a few seconds before he shyly added, ‘it was fun.’

 

‘I better go now,’ Harry said, gesturing back to the way that they came. Louis nodded, before walking him out of the building.

 

Louis didn’t realise that he was still following Harry, until he felt a cold shiver and realised that he was now outside, in the darkness of the night, walking right beside him. It was as if he was on auto-pilot and it shook him out of a trance.

 

‘Whereabouts are you parked?’ he asked.

 

‘Just round the corner. Close to where I was last time.’

 

‘I’ll walk you.’ Louis said, as if that explained it.

 

‘Um, okay?’

 

They walked in silence towards the over-stuffed with camping equipment, vintage car. It was completely out of place in the run-down, impersonal blocks of flats that Louis lived in. Yet another reminder that their lives were incompatible.

 

Harry put the camera in his car, then turned to Louis again, clearing his throat awkwardly.

 

‘So, I guess it’s goodbye— again.’

 

‘Yeah,’ Louis said, but, just as Harry was about to close his car doors, he quickly interrupted, ‘Wait!’

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘God. This is the exact opposite of what we should be doing, but—‘ Louis hesitated, ‘do you wanna stay the night? It’s really late.’

 

Harry hesitated.

 

‘If that’s what you want?’

 

‘I just don’t want you to drive for so long, only to get back in the middle of the night—‘

 

‘Okay.’

 

‘On the sofa though,’ he quickly added.

 

‘Yeah, of course,’ Harry said with a little smile.

 

 

***

 

 

_What is that smell?_

 

Louis dragged himself out of bed, putting on some blue and green plaid pyjama bottoms and a crumpled up white t-shirt. 

 

‘What are you doing?’ Louis asked immediately, when he saw what was taking place in his small kitchen. 

 

And what a sight it was! Harry Styles was standing by the stove, mixing something in a frying pan, completely engrossed in the action, head bobbing along whatever song was playing in his head.

 

He spun around at hearing Louis’ voice.

 

‘Oh, hey!’ he grinned. ‘I was just about to wake you up.’

 

‘What the hell is all this stuff? Where did you even get it?’ Louis’ confusion was already reaching record levels and it’s only been a few seconds.

 

‘Went to that shop down the road,’ Harry smiled with a friendly shrug.

 

‘Naturally,’ Louis said sarcastically, completely in awe.

 

‘They have lots of veggies, it’s great,’ Harry said, unbothered. ‘The owner opened up early for me, they were still unpacking deliveries. Baking the bread. You have to check out the bread! It literally could not be fresher.’

 

Louis was just staring at him, not knowing how to process anything that was happening.

 

‘See, I figured you were one of them traditional full breakfast sort of people, eggs, bacon, toast, beans, all that shebang, but I thought I’d switch it up a tiny bit when I saw all the stuff in the shop. So I’m making scrambled eggs with some avocado, cherry tomatoes and fresh chives. Nothing too out there, don’t worry. And the bread! The bread is great,’ he said, turning off the stove and taking plates out of a cupboard. Because apparently he already knew where they were, ‘I vaguely remembered that you like to drink tea, but I figured freshly squeezed orange juice would be nice as well, but they didn’t have any, so I just got some carton one. I can put the kettle on if you want.’

 

‘What the hell are you even on about?’ Louis shook his head in disbelief. ‘I can’t— I don’t understand what’s going on.’

 

‘I made breakfast,’ Harry said, he seemed very excited about the fact.

 

‘Well I see _that_.’

 

‘You said you’d be in a rush, so I thought “Hey, why don’t I make breakfast, it will speed things up.” And I figured it’d be nice. Like a thank you. For the trip,’ Harry explained, walking to the table and setting the plates down, ‘we should eat before it gets cold.’

 

Louis complied, sitting down opposite Harry, staring.

 

‘You’re absolutely mad, you know that, right? This is not what normal people do, Harry,’ Louis laughed shaking his head.

 

‘Well, this is not a normal situation that we’re in. Lets end things on a high, yeah?’ Harry smiled. It was a soft, reassuring smile.

 

_End things._

 

Louis returned a smile, but his was forced and crooked. 

 

Because, even though he tried to pretend that that’s what he wanted, he was too far gone. He had already admitted to himself that Harry was what he wanted and not having him would be so, so painful. So no, this was not ending things on a high because, once again, this was just stressing all the things that he’d be missing.

 

‘Okay,’ Louis said eventually, ‘guess breakfast sounds really nice.’

 

Harry was absolutely glowing with a massive grin on his face. Louis tried not to swoon.

 

Only half an hour later, they were running out of the flat. Dirty dishes were messily discarded in the kitchen sink. Louis will wash them up later in the day. Or, more realistically, in a couple of days.

 

‘You sure you have everything?’ Louis asked for what felt like the hundredth time as they were hurrying down the stairs. 

 

‘Yeah,’ Harry said, suddenly stopping.

 

‘What are you doing? We still have one floor to go?’

 

‘No, my car isn’t in the parking lot, obviously. It’s out on the street, so I have to head that way,’ he said, pointing to the door with his thumb.

 

‘Oh,’ Louis nodded, ‘Yeah, that makes sense. I guess this is goodbye.’

 

‘Yeah.’ Harry nodded slowly, then smiled mischievously, ‘just one more thing.’

 

He took the few steps up to Louis, pressing a soft kiss on his lips, before moving back, just as quickly.

 

With a shy, but undeniably pleased, smile, he softly said, ‘Goodbye Louis.’

 

Louis stood there in complete shock. He barely had the chance to mutter a confused, ‘goodbye Harry,’ before the other was gone.

 

 

***

 

The rest of the day was absolutely scorching. The sun that betrayed them the day before, apparently decided to make an appearance, just as the team went outside for their match. It was fitting, Louis decided, because he sort of felt like he was in hell. He was being dramatic, obviously. But, so what? He was a young guy, more boy than man at nineteen, quite honestly, having to pass up a chance at fucking — or, possibly, probably, something more — with a hot model! For a job! That surely gave him an excuse to be absolutely pissed off and dramatic, right? It would be insane if he wasn’t. 

 

But he was more than pissed off. It was more than a teenager feeling sorry for himself. He didn’t want to admit it, but he felt it nonetheless. Any time he remembered those green eyes, that body, that smile, he just felt heartbroken. Hopeless, more than anything. Was that all he had ahead of him? Loneliness? 

 

Well, and football.

 

And he loved football. 

 

 

********

 

Louis had not seen Harry for weeks. Apparently, Harry was serious with his promise of staying out of his life. It was pretty spooky how good he was at it, actually. Once or twice, when he was forced to go to a social event of some sort, Louis thought he saw glimpses of that long mane of his, but they never ran into each other. Never interacted. Eleanor had seen Harry a few times, she told Louis when he couldn’t stop himself from asking about him. They’ve been at the same events and yet— nothing. Quite honestly, Louis started wishing that Harry was less of an honest, promise-keeping person. He was too good for the world. How could he have ever, even for a second, have hated the man?

 

Naturally, it was Louis who broke the radio silence. It wasn’t for anything personal, he told himself. It was for professional, practical reasons. 

 

He texted Harry.

 

to Harry: 

_Are you going to the Rogue One premiere?_

 

from Harry:

_yes. but I can skip it, if you want._

 

to Harry:

_You’d skip a red carpet movie premiere just because i asked?_

 

from Harry:

_yes_

 

to Harry:

_No, don’t. I don’t want you to skip it. That’s ridiculous._

 

from Harry:

_Oh. What do you want then?_

 

 

Now this was a tricky question. What did Louis want?

 

 

to Harry

_Nothing. I was just wondering if I’ll see you there. Don’t worry about it._

 

from Harry

_Ok. Good luck for your game._

 

And Louis’ heart could’ve melted. Harry was keeping track of his games!

 

to Harry:

_Thanks_

 

 

****

 

It was the night of the premiere and Louis was nervous. There were feelings inside of him that he was struggling to control — thoughts he really should not have been having. He really did try to ignore them, but he wasn’t that strong of a man. Fuck, he was still a stupid teenager. Only nineteen.

 

He spent the night clutching a drink and not interacting with anyone. His eyes scanned the room purposefully. Harry did come to the premiere and Louis even managed to catch his eyes a couple of times, which made Harry instantly look away. Harry dodged Louis most of the night, it was obvious, until Louis couldn’t take it anymore and chased him down. 

 

He came right up to him, interrupting a conversation Harry was having with someone else. Louis didn’t even bother to introduce himself, before he spoke, looking exclusively at Harry, as if he was the only one there.

 

‘Can I talk to you for a minute?’

 

‘Uh, yeah,’ Harry answered a bit stunned.

 

So, Louis dragged him away by his arm, walking quickly, looking around. They got to a part of the cinema that was empty, everything in the building apart from the screen where the movie was being shown was closed. They walked into one of the screening rooms. It was almost completely pitch black. Only tiny fire escape lights by the feet of the seats were lit, but they hardly made any difference to the darkness.

 

‘What’s going on?’ Harry asked, concerned.

 

Louis didn’t answer. Instead, he pushed Harry against a wall, making a small choked breath escape his lips. He was now staring at Louis completely dumbfounded, eyes wide and lips parted slightly. Louis put one of his hands on Harry’s cheek, tracing his lower lip with his thumb slowly.

 

‘Lou—?‘ Harry whispered almost inaudibly as if unable to make any louder sound.

 

Instead of answering, Louis stood up on his tip toes so that their faces were level, putting his other hand on the other side of Harry’s face, their lips colliding. He pressed his whole body right against Harry’s, pushing him harder into the wall. After just a split second of shock, Harry kissed back, his hands wrapping around Louis’ hips, pulling him even closer. As close as it was physically possible and still it didn’t feel enough. One of his hands travelled up to Louis’ head, fingers running through his messy hair.

 

Their mouths separated only for milliseconds, letting out short gasps of air, before hungrily joining again. Louis took one hand off Harry’s face, his fingers ghosting down Harry’s neck, giving him goosebumps, then tracing his collarbones, going down his chest, to his hip bones, lingering there for a moment before retreating back up, palm resting on Harry’s chest. 

 

Louis pulled away the tiniest bit, softly biting down on those plump lips that he couldn’t get out of his mind for two months now. He broke away from them, placing short kisses on Harry’s jaw, his neck, his exposed collarbones and chest. Nothing felt like enough.

 

Eventually, he stopped to look at the other man’s face, but in the darkness he hardly even saw an outline of his features. Maybe it was partly due to the unusual darkness that it all felt so completely different from anything he had ever experienced. It was like, in that moment, they were just two bodies. Just feeling.

 

He kissed Harry again, slower, softer, before he stopped and rested his chin on the other’s shoulder. He dug his face into Harry’s hair, inhaling him. It was absolutely intoxicating and they stayed like that, catching their breath, until their heart rates slowed down and were no longer pounding violently inside their chests. 

 

Louis moved back, but only slightly, while Harry was still running his hand slowly up and down Louis’ back, delicate and hot, keeping him close. Their lips were almost touching, breaths warm against each other’s faces. 

 

Louis opened his mouth but he felt unable to make a sound. He cleared his throat. They rested their foreheads against each other. 

 

‘Don’t hide from me anymore,’ Louis said finally. It was no more than a whisper.

 

‘Okay,’ Harry whispered back.

 

‘But—‘ Louis started to say something, but desperately didn’t want to continue. Yet he had to. Because his mind dragged him away from this surreal moment of just him and Harry in complete darkness and back to what was outside. And it hurt. It hurt so bad.

 

‘What?’ Harry asked delicately, though he’s tone seemed to drop from that hopeful, lustful one to something weak and resigned. He knew what Louis was thinking right now. They had to go back.

 

‘I’m so sorry, Harry. I really shouldn’t have— I really can’t—‘ he stumbled over his words.

 

‘Shh.’ Harry whispered in response, soothing. He took one of Louis’ hands into his own, placing a delicate kiss on his knuckles. ‘I’m not going to hide from you anymore, neither of us wants that. But—‘ he paused, exhaling slowly, ‘we can hide it from _them_. I promise, no one has to find out.’

 

Louis hesitated, though he knew there was no point even trying to fight it. He was too far gone.

 

‘Yeah?’ Was all Louis could manage.

 

‘Definitely.’

 

He placed a quick kiss on Harry’s lips before saying, ‘I have to go back. Can you—‘ he hesitated for a moment, ‘can you wait for a bit before leaving?’

 

‘Yeah, sure,’ Harry said quickly, letting go of Louis’ arms. Every place where they were touching now felt as if it were hit with freezing, unforgiving air.

 

‘We’ll— we’ll talk later.’ Louis said, making slow steps back towards the doors, opening them unenthusiastically.

 

‘Yeah,’ Harry nodded, before Louis sighed sadly and turned around, walking back out to his real fake life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it! not as polished as i would've liked it, but the story has to go on! prepare yourself for plenty stressful moments ahead haha
> 
> thanks for reading!
> 
> feel free to talk to me about the fic or generally things 1d related on my tumblr: annanotesxo
> 
> xoxo


	5. BITTERSWEET

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more like a collection of moments.

The thing about having a secret boyfriend is that it’s a total rollercoaster. One moment you’re fucking the brains out of your hot as fuck boyfriend, then the next you’re sitting around, calendars out, trying to sort out schedules so that somewhere, somehow, you can find another little moment to fuck the brains out of your hot as fuck boyfriend. Louis never really dealt so much with schedules and calendars — he knew when matches and practices were, that’s it. And now? It was constant planning and scheming and sneaking around.

 

And pretending. That was the worst part. The lying and pretending to be happy with someone else when all you wanted to do is to go back home to the person you actually want — the only one that matters.

 

Right now, they were at Harry’s. Louis had come over late the night before, after a game and some interviews. He had to see Eleanor for a casual date today, then they had an event to go to at night. 

 

‘Shit, you’ve like _branded_ me. I have a fucking photoshoot today,’ Harry said, tracing little purplish marks on his neck and by his collar bones. 

 

‘Sorry,’ Louis chuckled, ‘but you liked it.’

 

Harry rolled his eyes.

 

‘So, you’ve got that shopping date with El, right?’ he asked, Louis’ face immediately falling.

 

‘Yeah.’

 

‘There’s something I think we should work on,’ Harry said vaguely.

 

Louis hoped it was something hot and dirty but it wasn’t.

 

Harry looked around his room for a little bit, before picking up his camera.

 

‘I’m gonna teach you some tricks for your photos later,’ he informed him.

 

‘What?’ Louis almost squeaked, confused.

 

‘Yeah, I think it would help you feel more comfortable around photographers and all,’ Harry shrugged simply, but it absolutely irked Louis.

 

‘I don’t need stupid _modelling_ lessons from you! I’m not gonna be doing that shit anymore.’

 

Harry sighed, as if he was expecting Louis to completely shut him down — and get unnecessarily annoyed too.

 

‘But you are though,’ he explained, ‘you’re becoming more high profile, eyes will be on you more. Cameras will be on you more. And you can’t look like someone is holding a knife to your throat every time you spend time with your girlfriend.’

 

‘Well, that’s what it feels like,’ Louis grumbled, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

 

There was a sudden tension in the room. Louis’ words would’ve been totally childish if they weren’t so _true_.

 

Harry come up to him, putting his hands on both of his cheeks, until the other looked up.

 

‘I know, love. And it’s awful and devastating, but you are _strong_ and I have all the faith in the world that you will stick through this. Just focus on football— and this,’ he said, before kissing him, ‘and this,’ he kissed down his neck, ‘and this,’ he kissed down his collarbones, moving lower until he was kneeling in front of Louis, playing with the band of his boxers. He kissed just above it, then looked up at Louis, as if checking for permission.

 

‘Yes, _please_ ,’ Louis gasped out.

 

 

****

 

 

The other thing that Louis learnt about having a secret boyfriend — well, his specific boyfriend — was that you had to be supportive… even if those boots looked ridiculous.

 

Harry had gone shopping and came back to Louis’ flat with what was probably more clothes than _all_ the ones he had in his wardrobe himself. And now, he was putting on a big show of presenting each and every article of clothing to Louis, insisting on asking for feedback. The item currently in question was a pair of sparkly lilac boots.

 

‘Well, what do you think?’ Harry said with a bright, proud smile. He was clearly very happy with this find. Louis had learned by now that boots were sort of Harry’s thing. And oddly patterned shirts. Quirky boy, his Harry was. Well, except for the fact that he was definitely more man than boy, being a three years older, successful, sought after professional and all. But since Louis couldn’t call him his boyfriend, he could settle on calling him his boy. Just a shortened version right? Just bros.

 

If Harry could be supportive of all of this hiding thing, just for him, then he could be supportive of all this. By comparison, it was nothing, and making Harry smile was his favourite thing — after making Harry moan, that is.

 

‘They’re a bit tall,’ he said though. He learnt that occasionally he also had to give some criticism, otherwise Harry would get annoyed that all he kept saying the same thing over and over — that he looked great in everything — and that Louis was ‘clearly not paying attention.’ Plus, the boots were a bit tall and he grimaced at the small heel.

 

Harry sighed, then laughed, rolling his eyes, ‘Jesus Christ, you and this height thing. You have to get over it. I’m taller than you. Just deal with it already.’

 

‘Yeah, but do you have to make it so _obvious_?’ Louis whined. Yes, he was being silly and childish, making Harry shake his head fondly.

 

Then something changed in Harry’s expression.

 

‘Well, it’s not like we get photographed next to each other anyway,’ he said bitterly. The atmosphere in the room dropped so quickly, that Louis felt like his chest clench.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ Louis said quietly, looking down and fumbling with his fingers. They kept coming back to this and he was painfully aware that it was all his fault. He knew that what Harry wanted most was _not_ to have a secret boyfriend, despite the fact that he constantly said that he was fine, that he knew that Louis’ career was important to him, that he was thankful for any short moment that he could spend with him, even if it had to be in secret, that he was glad that their private life wasn’t all over tabloids — but it wasn’t completely true. Both of them knew that. There was a difference between privacy and hiding, and they were on the wrong side of it.

 

‘Don’t be,’ Harry sighed, ‘It’s not your fault, not really. I’m sorry for always bringing it up. I’m a horrible boyfriend. I should be more supportive.’

 

Louis frowned, ‘you _have_ been. You’ve been supportive and you’ve been patient and you’re a fucking great boyfriend and I love you. So much.’

 

Wait a second. Did he just say he loved him?

 

‘You do?’ eyes curious, excited.

 

‘Yeah.’

 

‘Me too.’ Harry beamed.

 

‘You love yourself too?’ Louis raised a teasing eyebrow.

 

‘No! You idiot, you know what I meant,’ Harry said, playfully slapping Louis’ shoulder, ‘I love you.’

 

Then they kissed — small, sweet, happy kisses. They stared at each other giddily, before Louis finally cleared his throat.

 

_‘Anyway_ , I think the boots are weird but they look great on you. Everything looks great on you. you could make anything look hot, probably, and that’s really annoying, you know?’

 

‘Well, it _is_ how I make a living,’ Harry smirked and this time it was Louis who smacked his shoulder.

 

 

*********

 

The next thing that Louis had learned, was that Harry had a pretty great family. 

 

He met Gemma first.

 

‘I’ve just been on the phone with my sister. She’s coming to London,’ Harry had said one evening, with a hopeful tone.

 

‘That’s great. You haven’t seen her for a while, right?’ Louis smiled, because _yes,_ he did pay attention.

 

‘Yeah,’ Harry nodded slowly, clearly having something more to say, ‘Would you like to meet her?’

 

Louis just smiled wider.

 

‘Sure.’

 

Luckily, Louis instantly liked Gemma. She was blunt and sarcastic beyond belief — his favourite sort of humour. _And_ , she absolutely shredded Harry to pieces with her jokes. 

 

They were having drinks at Harry’s flat. He had decided to have a small bar put in and just completed a course in cocktail making, and Louis mocked him for acting like such a spoiled rich kid. He couldn’t deny it was pretty damn cool though. They were currently trying out each one of their creations. Harry’s looked delicious and actually _healthy_ which disgusted Louis even more, because that is not what alcohol is about, right?

 

‘I might not be in the spotlight, like my lil bro over here, but I’m living a pretty damn sweet life. It always helps to know who’s newly single and exactly how much money they are worth,’ she winked with a cheeky smile that was partly her character and partly the third cocktail she was just finishing off, ‘a girl likes to get treated nicely— generously.’

 

Harry was shaking his head, clearly frustrated.

 

‘Jeez, what crawled up your ass and died?’ Gemma said, rolling her eyes.

 

‘You know.’

 

Gemma snorted.

 

‘Harry here, judges me for hooking up with rich, famous guys, instead of looking for _love_.’ she said to Louis with an exaggerated eye roll.

 

‘That’s not— Don’t you think you’re exploiting someone who might be emotionally vulnerable after a divorce?’

 

‘Ha!,’ she laughed, ‘are you _kidding me_? These guys are absolute tools. They love being newly single and they think I _freed_ them from their miserable marriages. They like to say thank you. Nothing wrong with it. Just two adults, making each other feel nice.’

 

‘First of all, ew. You’re my sister, I don’t need to be hearing this,’ Harry grimaced, horrified, ‘second of all, don’t you want _more_? More than just hooking up with desperate guys?’

 

‘I like sex, not love. It’s not for me. Never cared for it.’ 

 

‘That’s just— you will change your mind one day.’

 

‘No, I won’t. I’m just not attracted to men that way, Harry. I don’t care for romance. That’s just how some people are. Deal with it.’

 

‘Well, I think it’s sad.’ Harry said, ‘because loving someone— it’s the best feeling in the world,’ the soft way in which he had said that, made Louis’ heart beat faster and a warmth spread through him. Was Harry really— was he thinking about him when he said that?

 

‘Well, I like to hump and dump, so there you go,’ Gemma said sharply, finishing off her drink. After a moment, she added more softly, ’Listen, I’m happy and I’m happy that you’re happy, lil bro. We’re just different, okay?’

 

‘Yeah, okay.’ Harry replied after a while, with a displeased sigh.

 

‘Now come here,’ she said, opening her arms wide.

 

‘I feel like I’m invading on a cute family moment,’ Louis joked as the other two hugged tightly.

 

‘Nah,’ Gemma laughed, urging him towards them with her hand, ‘get in here too!’

 

Quite honestly, Louis thought she was cool as fuck.

 

Later that night, while Harry was fumbling around with some food, refusing any help from either of them — “You’re my _guests!_ ” — Gemma pulled Louis aside. 

 

‘Listen, Louis,’ she started, making him feel instantly nervous, ‘you’re great, I really like you but— I’m worried.’

 

‘Oh?’

 

‘It’s just— this secret relationship,’ she bit down on her lip for a moment, ‘I’m worried about my little brother, you know. He’s not like me, he’s all romantic and idealistic and, well, crazy about you. And I know how much pressure the media can have on a relationship too, I see it every day.’ she said with a concerned frown, that was eerily similar to Harry’s, ‘but, I believe in you guys. I see how much you like each other. I’m just hoping— well, I’m just hoping it works out and I actually think that if it could work for anyone, it would be you guys.’

 

‘Thanks,’ Louis said, trying to feel reassured, because that’s what her little talk seemed to be aiming for, but her words just made him feel more shitty. Harry wanted to have it all, deserved having it all, and he couldn't give it to him. 

 

 

****

 

Couple of weeks later, Louis was watching matches on tv, rewinding and replaying different passes and goals and all the things that Harry was still clueless about. He did try though. He always watched Louis’ games, which was lovely of him.

 

Harry, however, was scrolling through stupid gossip sites which was one of his most annoying habits and infuriated Louis like nothing else ever could.

 

‘Wow, Lou, you’re really doing so much better! You actually look happy in these. Not gonna lie, she looks really good in this outfit. I like the skirt. You should tell her.’ 

 

He was looking at his pap pics with Eleanor. Ew. Louis really didn’t need that in his life.

 

‘For fucks sake Harry, you know how much I _hate_ you looking up pictures of me and her.’

 

‘Sorry. I just can’t help myself sometimes,’ he said with apologetic, wide, pretty eyes staring into Louis’, ‘plus, you’re in them and I always like looking at _you_.’

 

‘Hmmm— okay then. I guess I can forgive you.’

 

And damn, Louis couldn’t think of anything that he wouldn’t let that goofy, sweet man get away with.

 

Fuck, he was so in love.

 

‘I’m sorta jealous,’ Harry joked after a moment of still staring at the photos, making Louis roll his eyes. 

 

Harry stared down at the photos for a while longer, his smile falling, ‘I _am_ jealous.’ he said sadly, ‘I wish that was us, you know? I wish we could be out there. Looking happy like this. Except real.’

 

Louis looked at him, at his heartbroken expression.

 

‘Me too,’ he sighed sadly.

 

They hugged it out. Held each other until things felt less messed up. It was all that they could do.

 

 

****

 

Another thing that Louis had learned, bizarrely, was that Ed Sheeran could never, ever be trusted with a secret. It turned out that Harry and Ed were pretty close mates and Louis was eager to meet him. He was a musical genius after all! And then, as it always seemed to happen with the two, disaster struck. They were just in a meeting with Ed about Harry appearing in his music video — if hanging out at Ed’s pretty modest flat could be called a meeting — when they decided to go out for some cheeky Nando’s, because Ed liked chicken and talked Louis into having his one cheat meal a week with them. 

 

Then, on their way down, the rackety lift decided to break down and stop mid-floor.

 

‘Fuck’s sake,’ Louis said, banging on the door, which was far from helping.

 

‘See, this wouldn’t happen if you walked down the stairs every once in a while,’ Harry mumbled to Louis.

 

‘I literally do sport for a living! I don’t need any extra exercise!’ Louis squeaked dramatically, waving his arms around, before smacking the lift doors again.

 

‘I just can’t be bothered with the stairs, quite honestly,’ Ed laughed.

 

‘So— what are we gonna do?’ Louis asked, now resigned. Taking it out on the lift doors obviously not being any help.

 

‘Do you know what could be fun?’ Ed grinned, ‘how about we do a little Q&A?’

 

‘Are you for real? No offence mate, but that’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard,’ Louis snorted, ‘right Harry?’

 

Harry just mumbled in respose.

 

‘ _Seriously?_ ’

 

‘Oh, come on! It will be hilarious. Live a little.’ Ed shrugged with a smile.

 

So, they did. Because Louis didn’t want to be a total party pooper in front of Ed, who he was not so secretly a massive fan of. 

 

They each sent out a tweet that they would go live on Facebook, and it only took a few minutes for the news to spread.

 

‘Hey to all the fans out there,’ Ed started with a wide smile and slightly awkward hand wave, ‘this is a bit mental, but I’m just stuck in a lift with these two and we decided to keep entertained by chatting with you lot. So, tweet us questions and we will answer them!’

 

‘This all sounds like a beginning of a joke,’ Louis laughed, ‘a football player, a model, and a singer-songwriter walk into a lift… someone finish the joke, best one wins something.’

 

**_OMFG HOW DO YOU KNOW EACH OTHER????_** was one of the first tweets.

 

‘We’re all friends,’ Ed replied easily, ready to hop onto the next question.

 

‘Well, i’d say more like acquaintances—‘ Louis joked awkwardly.

 

**_Where’d you meet?_ **

 

‘Just out and about,’ Louis answered. They were pretty much taking it in turns, ‘I met Harry through my girlfriend Eleanor and met Ed through Harry.’

 

It went on like that, pretty easy and innocent, until Ed declared, ‘I was just writing a new song actually! Might be a b-side to one of the singles— shit, I probably shouldn’t have said that. My manager’s gonna kill me.’

 

‘Ugh, managers,’ Louis couldn’t help rolling his eyes. 

 

‘Well, I might as well play it now, got my guitar with me!’

 

‘Seriously? No way!’ Harry grinned excitedly, ‘lets hear it! World exclusive lift session!’

 

Louis whooped and clapped exaggeratedly, urging Ed on as he was taking his guitar out of the case. Thousands of excited tweets were pouring in.

 

Ed got himself settled, strummed a couple chords, then cleared his throat, ‘Okay then, lets go. This is one about some friends of mine—

 

_We're not, no we're not friends, nor have we ever been._

_We just try to keep those secrets in a lie,_

_And if they find out, will it all go wrong?_

_And Heaven knows, no one wants it to._

 

_So I could take the back road_

_But your eyes will lead me straight back home._

_And if you know me like I know you_

_You should love me, you should know._

 

_Friends just sleep in another bed,_

_And friends don't treat me like you do._

_Well I know that there's a limit to everything,_

_But my friends won't love me like you._

_No, my friends won't love me like you._

 

_We're not friends, we could be anything._

_If we try to keep those secrets safe._

_No one will find out if it all went wrong._

_They'll never know what we've been through—_

 

‘Well! that was great!’ Louis cut in with frenzied eyes, ‘maybe we should end on that note.’

 

He switched off the stream before the other two even got a word in.

 

‘WHAT THE FUCK ED?? WE LITERALLY SAID WE’RE FRIENDS A FEW SECONDS EARLIER AND THEN IMMEDIATELY AFTER YOU START SINGING A SONG AND THE FIRST LINE IS FUCKING We're not, no we're not friends, nor have we ever been. AND THEN IT’S ALL ABOUT FUCKING SECRETS? DO YOU WANT TO RUIN EVERYTHING?? This song Ed. what the fuck were you thinking?’

 

‘Yeah, maybe it was a bit much,’ Harry agreed with a tense frown.

 

‘Lads, you have to chill out,’ Ed said, chilled out as ever, ‘you’re almost _too_ well closeted. You are from two completely different worlds. Different circles. You’ve never even been seen together. Like at all. There aren’t any rumours or suspicion or anything. You _can_ relax a bit.’

 

Louis fought the urge to call Ed Sheeran an absolute tosser.

 

‘Alright, I’ll say it’s about some other mates of mine from back home,’ Ed smiled easily. His easygoing character made it hard to stay mad at him. Maybe it was going to be fine? Louis tried to relax with a few deep breaths.

 

‘That would be great, mate,’ he finally said.

 

‘Honestly, I thing the lack of chicken in my life right now is a bigger issue.’

 

‘Fuck, I really want some fucking chicken right now,’ Louis agreed.

 

Miraculously, the lift came to life just fifteen minutes later. They were free. 

 

Well, for a moment at least.

 

 

****

 

‘I can’t believe you got a fucking salad at Nandos,’ Louis said as they were getting back in the car. Ed had hopped off in a taxi, going in the opposite direction.

 

‘It’s what I felt like eating.’ Harry shrugged. This conversation has been going on in circles ever since they ordered the food. And ate it. And got to the car.

 

‘You didn’t even put any chicken in it!’ he exclaimed sounding almost distraught, ‘What’s the point of going to Nandos and not getting chicken?’

 

‘Why is it such a big deal?’ Harry rolled his eyes.

 

‘Well, because if you didn’t want chicken, we could’ve gone somewhere else. We didn’t have to go in there. You could’ve said.’ Louis explained. 

 

‘Why are you inventing some sort of issue, Louis, seriously. I wanted a salad. It was a good salad. It had sweet potato and avocado and quinoa and feta cheese and I liked it.’ Harry sighed, putting on his seatbelt, ‘stop going on about it, you have to chill.’

 

‘But… chicken. Nandos.’ Louis frowned.

 

‘I don’t care about the stupid chicken. Please change the subject. I beg you.’ Harry groaned. 

 

Louis opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, before he finally just sighed loudly and simply said an short ‘Okay.’

 

‘Thank you.’ Harry replied loudly. His voice the definition of passive aggressive. ‘Let’s just go.’

 

‘Okay.’ Louis replied, starting the car.

 

A couple minutes later, Harry started giggling to himself, making Louis look at him inquisitively.

 

‘It’s just—‘ Harry said in between laughs, ‘that’s the dumbest argument I’ve had in ages. We’re both ridiculous. Our bickering is ridiculous.’

 

Louis nodded, Harry’s smile contageous.

 

‘Yeah, we are a bit, arent’ we?’

 

He wanted to stay like this forever.

 

 

****

 

Louis didn’t know how he came to doing an interview with Seventeen, but there it was. That was just part of his reality, apparently.

 

 

**LOUIS TOMLINSON TALKS FASHION AND RELATIONSHIPS**

 

Guess what! We managed to grab a quick chat with our all new favourite football star Louis Tomlinson at London Fashion Week. Here’s what he had to say!

 

**Seventeen:** So we’ve been seeing you around a lot at fashion shows recently and your ads for Adidas have just came out, is delving further into the fashion industry something you’re interested in? More modelling maybe?

 

**Louis Tomlinson:** (laughs) Oh, no, not at all. I don’t think I’ll be doing any more photoshoots any time soon. I know very little about fashion, to be honest, but being involved in that world all comes with being in a relationship with a model. I think that if you are with someone, you have to support them, take interest in what is important in their lives. That’s my opinion.

 

**S:** Aw, that’s really lovely, you sound like the dream boyfriend. I guess we should all feel a bit jealous of Eleanor, you seem very happy.

 

**LT:** I am very happy with the relationship I’m in, yes.

 

**S:** Although I know a lot of our readers will be disappointed not to see more of you

 

**LT:** They can see more of me on the field! I’m not going anywhere! (laughs)

 

**S:** We’re glad to hear that. Anything else you want to tell our readers before we finish?

 

**LT:** The best thing I can tell anyone, really, is to be persistent and fight for your dreams, your passions, and to take care and support those you love. And I really do mean that, because football and family are the biggest parts of my life and I could not imagine my life without either of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed! Two weeks (well, as close as I can manage) until the next one! Share if you like! Talk to me on tumblr (annanotesxo). All that stuff. 
> 
> Thanks for reading xoxo


	6. THE LEAK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rollercoaster of stress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, for the purposes of this story the world cup is taking place in france. when i first started writing this it was time for the euro cup… shh.
> 
> thanks for reading! <3

_“…there is currently a lot of controversy as a glitch in the new Apple iPhone update made files stored on iCloud publicly accessible, leading to many private photos of celebrities being leaked online. The glitch was solved within just fifteen minutes, but that was enough for large amounts of data to be…”_  
****

 

The news was playing in the background. Louis had heard the story told and retold in many ways over the past few days, but he still kept listening to and watching all the news reports over and over again. Well, sort of.

 

He was currently curled up on a large kingsize bed in the guest room of Gemma’s LA home, listening to the news anchor talking in a grave, urgent voice, but not actually _watching._ Gemma wasn’t even at her house, but he wasn’t there for a family visit. He was there to hide. He was hiding, because everything went to shit.

 

‘I didn’t think it would be this bad,’ Harry said to Louis sadly. He softly sat down on the bed, beside Louis, and started running his fingers delicately through his boyfriend’s hair, ‘but we can get through this. I’ll make sure we get through this.’

 

Louis didn’t respond, he just continued staring numbly at the wall in front of him. That’s what he had been like since they left his flat the day before, when the news broke out, all throughout the flight and the journey from the airport and Harry showing him around the place — it was just silence and empty stares. After the initial panic, there came a constant numbness and Harry was worried. Anxious. He chewed on his lip, frowning. He had no clue what to do now.

 

 

****

 

As far as celebrity news panel shows went, Niall Horan’s was by far the most popular in the UK at the time. There was something about the Irishman that just drew people in — he was just one of those people with incredible charisma and an infectious laughter. The weekly show included a variety of segments including discussion of weekly news events, games, comedy sketches and interviews. There wasn’t always a set format which was part of the show’s charm — it wasn’t polished and serious, it was fun and young and _interesting._

 

Louis, of course, was among frequent viewers and, even though he was on the other side of the world, Gemma’s TV, which apparently picked up about seven hundred channels from all over the world, let him tune into the show as it was airing. He liked the show because, even though it was mainly about celebrity life, Horan often touched on sports events as well, having been a professional footballer himself before retiring due to a knee injury. 

 

Except, this week the subject hit a bit too close to home, and definitely not in a good way. 

 

‘So, Perrie has come up with a special segment for us this week. Tell us more about it, how does it work?’ Niall asked enthusiastically.

 

‘Basically, this will be a little competition between you guys,’ she said, pointing to the blonde host and their guests, who happened to be quite a varied bunch with popstar Dua Lipa, footballer Liam Payne and James Corden, who was taking time off from his own super-popular late night show to work on a charity single.

 

‘Oh, so I’m taking part too? Not just these guys?’ he looked surprised but excited.

 

‘Nope! We’re all getting involved today,’ she absolutely beamed, ‘so, in honour of the recent events, our next segment will be called ‘Whose butt is that?!’’ There were some laughs from the audience, ‘and you’re gonna be playing against each other. Rules are simple, we will put up a cropped picture of someone’s behind and you have to guess who it belongs to. There are two points available for each photo, one for guessing who is in the photo and one for guessing if it’s from the leak or not, because not all will be! Just to mix things up.’

 

‘This is so insensitive,’ Harry grumbled. 

 

The two were watching the show together in the guest room. Louis was laying down, resting his head on his boyfriend’s lap. It had been days and Harry hated the fact that Louis was so consumed by all the media commentary. It was as if he wasn’t even there. Like this whole thing had stolen him away from him and that not only hurt but also terrified Harry. What if he wouldn’t come out of it any time soon? What if it was all too much?

 

‘Not leak! Not leak!’ Niall shouted.

 

Perrie nodded slowly, ‘do you know who it is?’

 

‘Easy. Kim Kardashian. It’s her cover shoot, right?’

 

‘Yes! Two points.’

 

‘Can we watch something else? This show is making me sick,’ Harry grimaced.

 

‘I like this show,’ Louis said numbly. Then he scoffed, ‘well, at least I did when I wasn't on it.’

 

Harry was running his fingers through Louis hair, lightly massaging his scalp. He just wanted to say ‘It’s going to be okay. We're going to be okay,’ over and over again until both of them believed it. The words echoed in his mind with every single heartbeat.

 

‘It will blow over soon, I’m sure,’ Harry said, not sounding particularly sure at all. He started chewing on his lip, worrying. This _had_ to blow over soon. They had to be okay.

 

The segment ended with raucous laughter from Niall and James, when they saw that the last photo was of the Irish host’s own behind, back when he was on James’ show a few months back. 

 

‘Okay, don’t mean to ruin the fun, but lets move on from the games and chat about this whole leak thing a bit more,’ Niall said.

 

‘Yeah, lets go. We’ve seen a lot of nudes, drug use, but then there’s that one odd one out, isn’t there? You know which one I mean?’ 

 

‘I’m guessing Styles and Tomlinson?’

 

‘I’ll be honest with you,’ James said, ‘when I heard that private photos of them had been leaked _,_ I was at least expecting something raunchy, some nudes, maybe something nasty or a kink or something.’

 

‘Disappointed, are ya James?’

 

‘I mean, Harry Styles _is_ gorgeous, Niall, we all know it,’ James replied, lifting his hands in faux surrender. ‘But really! It’s literally just them laying in bed! Just them being a couple. It’s all very classy. It’s all very clean. All smiles, selfies, photos with each other’s families. My photos with my wife aren’t even that sickeningly cute and we’ve been together for years!’ 

 

‘I mean, lets be honest. If they were not gay, there would be absolutely nothing wrong with these photos. No one would care,’ Dua’s wide smile dropped for the first time during the show, adopting a fed up expression. 

 

‘I reckon they would! They’d probably call it couple goals.’

 

‘People? Or just you, Niall? Bet you’d be the first one there liking all their instagram photos,’ James teased.

 

‘Well, I’ve met both of them on separate occasions and they’re both great lads,’ Niall said, completely not disagreeing.

 

‘It’s so weird, when you find out these things. Like, to be honest, now that I think about it, I _have_ seen them at the same events,’ Dua added.

 

‘But! More importantly, have you seen that snapchat of Harry lip syncing and dancing to Hotter than Hell?’ Niall grinned.

 

Dua laughed, hiding her face in her hands.

 

‘I got so many tweets about that, you know!’ she laughed, ‘of course I’ve seen it. It’s brilliant.’

 

‘Wonder if Louis was there,’ Niall said, with an exaggerated, contemplative expression — looking off into the distance and all.

 

The smallest smile cracked Louis’ dead expression. Of course he was there. Harry had been playing around with his new cocktail bar again and his creations were almost as tasty as the sight of Harry in just his underwear and an unbuttoned, pink silk shirt. It was one of the good nights.

 

But the smile disappeared as quickly as his career, apparently.

 

‘So many questions, right?’ Dua laughed.

 

‘It was all very hush hush, wasn’t it? Any thoughts Liam?’

 

‘Well, I’ve briefly met Louis. He was on the other side of the field though, kicking our asses, so we didn’t really get to talk that much,’ Liam answered with a laugh and a shrug, and Harry knew things were bad, because Louis didn’t even show the slightest bit of a smug smile and he was a sucker for comments like that, ‘so, like, obviously I focus more on the sports side of this particular situation and, the thing is, he’s a great player.’

 

‘Yeah, has to be said, he has been having a great season so far, playing head to head with his much more experienced team mates,’ Niall agreed.

 

‘He’s doing great, yeah!’ Liam smiled, as if he was complimenting his own child, which was slightly bizarre, but okay.

 

‘Do you have any idea what’s actually happening now?’ Niall asked.

 

‘I mean, I don’t know too much about what goes on behind the scenes at clubs that aren’t my own, obviously.’ 

 

‘There’s talk that he’s gonna quit because “unwanted media attention”, I’ve heard,’ Niall frowned.

 

‘Listen, I’ve lived both here and in LA and, I mean, it must have been a lot if they are going to bloody LA to _avoid media attention,’_ James said, shaking his head.

 

‘Well, that’s the whole issue, isn’t it? The fans and the media,’ Dua said.

 

‘Exactly, nothing to do with football. He is just a young lad, right at the start of his career, showing a lot of promise, it would really be a great loss if he were to stop now,’ Niall said seriously.

 

‘Yeah so if his contract were to be terminated by the club right now, even if they would try to claim otherwise, it would be purely because of this “gay scandal”. Like, it’s completely out of order. He belongs on that team. His personal life shouldn’t matter. Anyone that suddenly sees him as less of a player is just a massive homophobe,’ Liam said, which was quite a strong stance on the subject for a football player to be expressing, in its own. Pretty impressive. Harry decided that he definitely liked this Liam.

 

‘Completely agree, he has already shown to be one of the stronger players on his team and he is exactly the sort of player you want on your team, and the sort of person we you _really_ want on the team for the World Cup. It would be ridiculous to let him go right now. The management must know this and the fans, and the fans really are the biggest issue in the whole situation, so the fans need to realise that too.’

 

‘So, what’s actually happening now?’ James asked, ‘they’ve both sort of disappeared.’

 

‘Well, he was given a couple of weeks off for personal reasons, temporarily, is the official statement,’ Niall said.

 

‘Yeah couple of weeks off, so they can figure out whether I’m worth all the trouble and how to get rid of me,’ Louis said bitterly.

 

Harry couldn’t take it anymore.

 

‘You can’t keep lying here, listening to this shit. Let’s go outside to the beach. Get some sun. Relax,’ he said, trying to be authoritative.

 

‘I don’t want to relax, I want to play fucking football,’ Louis replied, similar to a childish outburst.

 

‘Well then, lets do that then!’ Harry said, growing more sure of himself. He could sort that out, right? ‘I’ll get you a football, find somewhere to play right now. Fuck. I’d rent you a whole stadium if that would get you out of here. Whatever you need, I will make it happen because I can’t look at you like this.’

 

‘Yeah. Right,’ Louis scoffed, ‘can you get me a team though?’

 

‘I can try,’ Harry said, undeterred, ‘someone, somewhere, must be training today. I’ll go make some calls right now.’

 

‘That’s fucking ridiculous, even for you. You can’t just do that,’ Louis shook his head.

 

‘Watch me.’

 

‘Yeah, right. You go for it. Everything is so simple in that head of yours, isn’t it? Well. Don’t want to rain on your parade or whatever, but things just don't work that easy in the real world,’ Louis bit back, pushing himself away from Harry. 

 

‘I’ll make it work,’ Harry said, standing up, ‘you want to play. I will make it happen. Just wait.’

 

‘Yeah, whatever.’

 

 

***

 

 

 

‘Okay, so,’ Harry said, reappearing in the room. Louis didn’t know how long he was away for. Could have been minutes or hours for all he knew. He sure hasn’t moved himself. Why would he move, when he could lie around on Gemma’s guest room bed, hating his life, forever? Harry continued, ’After several phone calls, I managed to find out that the University of California soccer team is having a practice today and they would be happy to let you come along. It’s pretty unusual, but I charmed them into it. Because I’m charming like that. Good thing we brought along your cleats.’

 

‘We did?’ Louis frowned.

 

‘You know I always overpack,’ Harry shrugged.

 

‘Wait. This is crazy. I can’t just—‘ 

 

‘Yes you can and you will because a) it was a _lot_ of effort for me to figure out and arrange and b) I said you would go. So get up,’ Harry said, walking up and grabbing Louis by his arms. Louis didn’t even try to stop him.

 

 

***

 

 

The students were hardly at international level, but their skills were still quite impressive. 

 

‘Hey, you play for Man-United right? What the hell are you doing here?’ one asked Louis, while messing around with a football. Showing off a tiny bit in front of him, maybe.

 

‘Vacation.’

 

‘Wait, weren’t you just on the news?’ everyone was now listening to the conversation.

 

‘Oh yeah, you’re the gay one!’

 

‘Oh, that explains _that_ guy,’ another guy said, pointing to Harry, who apparently decided to wear a massive straw beach hat and his infamous Curt Cobain alien black and white sunglasses to shield his eyes from the Cali sun. Louis didn’t even blink twice when Harry put it on, being used to it and all, but now, as Harry started waving at them from the benches, where he was spectating like a mum at a kids football tournament, he sure looked fucking ridiculous. 

 

‘Yup,’ Louis nodded, growing more uncomfortable. What were they going to say to him now? He hoped to escape this whole subject for just one moment, but, as he predicted, that was impossible.

 

‘So the press ran you out of the country, did they?’

 

‘Ripping me to shreds as we speak,’ Louis muttered more to himself than others. He hated this situation. Of course he couldn’t even get away from it for an hour, couldn’t even spend that little time on the field without being reminded of the hell that is waiting for him back home. And apparently has even spread over here. But of course they would know. They were footballers, they would know what was going on in their world.

 

‘That’s rough,’ the guy replied, ‘I mean, it’s hardly sunshine and rainbows over here, but we do have Robbie Rogers and he seems to be doing alright.’

 

‘Thing is, you play well. They will have to get over it. What happens on the field is what is important, right? And you’re good on the field.’

 

‘Yeah, you’re really good. You should join _our_ team,’ the guy said, giving him a friendly punch to the shoulder.

 

Suddenly, Louis felt like the Grinch, when his heart grows three times in size at the end of the movie. Was this— was this _support_? From other, actual, real life, players?

 

‘Thanks,’ he chuckled with some surprise, ‘though when you barely passed one A-level, uni is probably out of the question.’

 

‘I have no clue what that means, dude.’

 

‘Just that I sucked at school,’ Louis shrugged, ‘but, anyway, I’ve got a team. I want to go home, you know? Guess I just have to prepare myself for the abuse hurled at me. Fight for what I want.’

 

And, just like that, he felt like he could do it. _Needed_ to do it.

 

He will survive this.

 

 

 

 

*****

 

**HOLY SHIT! IT’S IN COLOUR!**

 

****

 

**Anyone who’s been following Harry Styles’ insta for the past year knows that the guy loves his black-and-white photos. So, we were all majorly surprised when the model posted a pic in colour and, to make it even more shocking, one of his boyfriend and football stud Louis Tomlinson!**

 

**CAPTION: Guy can’t even last a week without playing!**

 

 

***

 

A day later, a statement was made by the team’s management, quickly being covered by all the news sites.

 

**TOMLINSON WILL STILL BE PLAYING ON THE NATIONAL TEAM AT THE WORLD CUP DESPITE ABUSE FROM FOOTBALL FANS AND MEDIA**

 

**STATEMENT FROM LOUIS:** Being in LA made me realise where I belong, and that is on the field, playing for my team and my country. That’s where I should be. I deserve my place on the team and I will not give up on it. I hope that fans can realise that my private life in no way impacts my skill on the field and that is what they should concentrate on — how I play. Football should be about the sport, not about the person playing it. That’s what I believe and I hope that fans and the media can respect that.

 

***

 

**THE BOYS ARE BACK**

Rising football star, Louis Tomlinson, 20, and boyfriend Harry Styles, 23, seen leaving Heathrow airport, returning from a two-week vacation taken to “get away from the overwhelming media attention” caused by the couple’s relationship becoming public after a series of personal photos of the two had emerged online. The news caused a massive uproar among fans and media outlets, and, according to family and friends, the sudden unwelcome scrutiny on their private lives was “just too much” and “the boys needed a break”.

 

 

***

 

Getting back to England was like entering a strange dream. Louis felt like he was walking, trapped in someone else’s body. He felt dizzy, ever since they got off the plane. It was as if he felt more grounded before they touched down, and now he was floating through his life. The paps at the airport didn’t help, of course, but they were going home now. He’ll get to lay down in his own bed, ready to get back to training the next day. 

 

The flat was cold and silent when Louis opened the door, Harry following him closely. He made it clear that he would stay and support him, for as long as Louis needed. 

 

He almost tripped over the small pile of letters by the door. One in particular caught Louis’ eye. It was a note from his landlord, telling all residents that there had been a break in into the garage andsome cars were damaged. They were apparently getting in touch with the police. Louis was guessing that one of the many unopened voicemails on his phone might have been about this, but he still struggled to get back into contact with the real world, so he didn’t get around to listening to all of them just yet.

 

‘We should probably check it out,’ Harry said, while Louis glanced at the letter.

 

‘Yeah,’ Louis replied, an unpleasant feeling rising in his stomach. He just _knew_.

 

And of course, every car was fine, apart from _his_.

 

Louis gasped when he saw the state of it.

 

There it was. His way too flashy for the flats that he was living in sports car, covered in homophobic messages. Scratched. Spray painted. Tires slashed.

 

‘Are you okay, baby?’ Harry said, trying to get hold of Louis’ arm but the other shook him off, starting to pace nervously, ‘insurance will take care of it—’

 

‘I am scared, Harry!’ Louis’ voice echoed eerily in the dim, cold space, ‘If they can get into the garage and do all that— I don’t feel safe here, to be honest. And I could pretend I’m just being dramatic, but I’m not! People start fights because of football, start _riots_. People get so passionate about football, it can bring out ugly things in them,’ he stopped, ‘maybe I was too naive, thinking I could just come back.’

 

‘Hey, come here,’ Harry said, walking up to him, taking Louis’ hands in his own and pulling them up to his chest, ‘we’ll get through this. We can find you a place with better security. It’s about time you moved out of this crap hole — no offence. We can stay somewhere else tonight, if you want. A hotel. And then tomorrow we can find you a security guard. It might sound like too much, but you shouldn’t have to worry about your safety. It’s not right. The only thing you should be worrying about right now is playing. Okay?’

 

‘Okay.’ Louis choked out, nodding. Apparently he started crying at some point and his voice came out tiny and weak.

 

Harry lifted Louis’ hands up to his lips, kissing his knuckles.

 

‘Let’s get out of here then,’ Harry smiled, letting go of his hands and wrapping his arm around Louis’ shoulders instead, leading him away from the car, ‘we’ll grab some things and go someplace with nice soft towels and expensive room service.’ 

 

Louis didn’t seem particularly consoled though, almost completely unresponsive to Harry’s words, just letting himself be guided in the direction of his flat. So Harry continued, squeezing his shoulder reassuringly.

 

‘You will be fine. We’ll go to a hotel with good security and you won’t have any problems with intruders at Fortress Carrington, will you?’ Harry actually chuckled slightly at that, in a warm encouraging way. It was true, Manchester United’s training grounds were pretty impenetrable. The extent to which the place took it’s secrecy was always quite bizarre to Harry, but he was glad for it now, because it meant that the man he loved would be safe, at least for the next couple of days before he had to go to matches and training with the national team.

 

Louis pressed himself tighter against Harry’s body, burying himself into his side.

 

‘Thank you.’ Louis said almost inaudibly, ‘For being here.’

 

‘Of course. Always.’ Harry replied, kissing his hair softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STRESS.
> 
> anyway, next chapter will be lighter. before more STRESS. 
> 
> hope you're enjoying it! message me on tumblr (annanotesxo) or instagram (annaaniaangie) about anything. and if you like this lil thing, then please rec it to others!
> 
> thanks for reading
> 
> xoxo


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